


everything comes back to you

by amory



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Childhood Friends, Family Dynamics, Famous Louis, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Jealousy, M/M, Non-Famous Harry, Ordinary Harry, Pet Names, Popstar Louis, Protective Louis, Student Harry, True Love, all of my favorites essentially, copious use of pet names by one Louis Tomlinson actually, it really is one big true love fest please forgive me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-16 23:51:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 29,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9295142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amory/pseuds/amory
Summary: Louis lets out a shuddering breath. “I love you,” he says.“Fuck you,” Harry replies.“You know that I’ve always loved you,” Louis continues, not stopping to acknowledge what Harry’s said.Harry shakes his head. “I know, but sometimes I wonder if that ever went past us just growing up together. We were never apart Louis, never for so many years, and the minute we were you just left me. So sometimes, when I let myself think about it, I think maybe that’s why we don’t work. You were just so used to loving me because you didn’t know anything else.”Louis and Harry, best friends since before either of them can remember, broke up four years ago. Louis has achieved his dreams of becoming the next big thing while Harry has stayed back, dedicating himself to his studies. Both are content to forget what they had together, until a tragedy brings them right back into each other's lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, what started as a fic based off of a Skylar Grey song (still a good song by the way, it's called Tower and you're welcome) quickly developed a mind of it's own and turned into....this. I'm not going to lie, this is quite possibly the sappiest thing I have ever written. There are pet names and family love and just so much fluff you might actually explode from it. If you don't, please feel free to drop by and leave me kudos or a comment ;) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!! (A playlist for this work may be posted soon if I find the time, as it currently lives on my phone being played and replayed for the past few months. It's quite sick of me.) 
> 
> <3

It’s a relatively normal night for Louis. He’s dancing his arse off with a beautiful man who’s been at his side for the past hour and who he’s probably going to go home with. He’s pissed as well, so far gone that he doesn’t hear Liam calling his name until he’s being pulled back roughly.

“Louis,” Liam shouts, snapping his fingers in front of Louis’ eyes until he focuses. “Are you listening to me?”

“Of course I’m listening to you, you’ve dragged me from the party and I’m mad about it,” Louis slurs out angrily. The pounding of the bass in the background begins to fade as Liam starts pulling him out of the crowd.

Liam shakes his head. “Someone’s been calling your phone nonstop. I don’t know how they got the number but they won’t let up, they’re saying it’s an emergency.”

Louis rolls his eyes and tries to pull away but Liam hasn’t had a drink all night and overall, he’s much stronger than Louis is. Louis looks back at the crowd of dancing people, pouting at the idea that his night may be cut short.

“It’s probably just a fucking journo or something, what’re you doing? Lemme go.” Louis demands.

They finally get far enough away from the commotion that Liam can actually speak instead of yelling. “I don’t think so Lou, he sounded really frantic but he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. He says his name’s Harry.”

Louis freezes up and glares at Liam, prying his arm away from his friend’s grip. “That’s not funny,” he growls.

“Lou, I’m not kidding,” Liam says, and just like that Louis’ phone is ringing again and Liam is shoving it into his hands.

The bright screen displays a number that Louis would know anywhere. His mum practically forced it into his head as a child just as much as she did their own number. He can still remember his first day of school when she quietly fixed his little jacket and asked, _If anything ever happens and you can_ _’t reach me who do you call, Louis?_

 _I call Anne_ , he’d replied, just as he always did.

That’s all it takes for Louis to snatch the phone away and answer it.

“Hello?” He whispers shakily.

There’s a heavy sigh on the other end. “Finally,” a deep slow voice mutters and Louis’ heart stutters. “Louis, this is you right?”

“Why?” Louis snaps, suddenly angry. It’s been so long, it’s been far too long-and yes that’s his fault, but he’s drunk and bitter right now and he wants to be upset. “What do you want Harry?”

Harry’s breath hitches in that way he has that tells Louis he’s about to start crying. “Louis, it’s Gemma,” he says, his voice quivering. Louis’ heart feels like it stops right there. “She and Lottie were driving somewhere and-Lou I don’t know. I don’t know, there was an accident-”

“What’s going on,” Louis demands, feeling far less drunk than he was only seconds ago. His heart is racing, his hands shaking a bit as he reaches out for Liam to steady himself. “Harry, tell me what’s going on. Are they okay? Please.”

“Lottie’s okay, just a concussion and a broken arm they think but Louis it’s-it’s Gemma. She-she was driving, and she’s really hurt and I need you Louis, I-” Harry cuts off with a sob and Louis starts walking towards the door because after all this time that’s still his reaction to Harry crying. It’s just instinct; he needs to get there now, his baby needs him.

“Fuck,” Louis whispers. “I’m coming, okay? I’ll be there in like…shit. Li, how long is it going to take for me to get home?”

It’s obvious Liam’s shocked by this whole thing, and Louis can’t really blame him for it. It’s a complete 180 compared to the Louis who was grinding on some man on the dance floor minutes ago.

Liam shakes his head a couple times and then says, “You only live fifteen minutes away?”

“No Liam,” Louis snaps, and he hates to snap at him like this but Harry won’t stop crying and he isn’t there. He needs to be there. “I mean home, Donny. How long?

Liam checks his phone. “I can have a car out front in ten, we can leave now if it’s that important.”

“Make it five,” he says seriously before quickly lowering his voice to speak softly again. “Harry, love I’m coming okay? Where are you bird, where’s our mums?”

Harry sniffles, his sobs quietly drifting away. “They’re at the hospital with the girls. I’m at Mum’s, I have the twins and the babies here and Fizzy’s on her way down from uni right now. Are you really coming?”

It’s awful how uncertain Harry sounds. Louis hates that he’s caused this. “Of course I’m coming,” Louis murmurs. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Harry whispers. “I have to go, Ernest is calling for me.”

Louis almost cries because the last time he saw the twins they couldn’t even walk. He’s an awful brother, he knows that, but it’s not something he likes dwelling on. “I have to go too,” he says. “I’ll be there soon.”

Harry hangs up first.

Before Louis can go running out the door, Liam grabs his shoulders. “Hey,” he murmurs, brushing his thumbs across the tears on Louis’ cheeks. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. “Lou, what’s wrong?”

“It’s my sisters,” he says, his voice thick. “They got into a car accident, I have to go home. Can you just-can you come with me? Please?”

Liam doesn’t even have to think about it. He pulls Louis in and wraps him in a tight hug. “Of course. Where you go I go, yeah? And not just because your career’s in my hands or whatever. I love you Louis, you’re my best friend.”

As always, he’s painfully serious about it so Louis just rolls his eyes and pulls them out the door. “I know, idiot.”

The memory hits him like a freight train.

 _We_ _’ll always be best friends, won’t we Louis?_ He remembers Harry whispering to him one night, their hands help tight together over their sleeping bags on the floor of Harry’s bedroom. They were so young then, too young for Louis to realize just yet what the feeling’s he had for Harry meant. It was enough for him just knowing he loved his best friend more than anything else in the world.

Louis had nodded and smiled and so certainly had promised, _Of course Hazza. You could never get rid of me._

 

Harry is half asleep on the couch with Ernest in his arms when there’s a quiet knock at the door. He blinks his eyes open slowly and carefully lays the baby down on the couch so he can stand up and answer it.

It’s a shock to see Louis standing there, looking so much older and rougher than Harry remembers him. He’s got a scruffy looking beard and hundreds of new tattoos decorating his skin and he looks so tired. There’s a large expensive looking car in the driveway and another man is climbing out of it, taking in Harry’s mum’s house like it isn’t good enough, and Louis is standing on the doorstep, hand up and poised to knock again. Harry can’t ever remember a time when Louis didn’t let himself in.

He frowns.

“You came.”

Louis sighs and scratches at his sleeve nervously. He smells like alcohol and cheap cologne that no doubt belongs to whoever he planned on bringing home tonight before Harry called and ruined it all. Pity.

“Of course I did, you needed me,” Louis says like that’s the obvious answer.

Harry just nods and steps back so Louis can come inside. He spots Ernest sleeping on the couch immediately and his tired eyes soften. Harry shakes his head.

“You need to take a shower and clean up first. I doubt he wants to wake up to you smelling like beer and cigarettes.”

He didn’t mean for it to come out as mean as it did, but Louis still nods. He runs a hand through his messy hair and bites his lip. “I know, H. I’m sorry, we didn’t stop home or anything, we just came straight here.”

Harry wants to demand to know who _we_ is, he wants to know what the man outside is to Louis and why he’s been brought along. But of course he doesn’t. Instead he just gestures towards the stairs and says, “You know where the bathroom is. You can borrow some clothes if you need, just be careful the girls are asleep in my old room.”

After giving his brother and Harry one last sorrowful look, Louis heads up the steps. It brings Harry back far more than it should, seeing Louis in his childhood home again. For a moment they’re kids again and Louis is spending the night after playing footie all day with his friends. He always made sure to bring Harry along and make him feel included, even though Harry was far younger and dorkier than they were. Louis never tolerated anyone teasing or ignoring Harry and they would spend their nights laughing and talking about their adventures.

“Um, Hi?” The man from the car says carefully, now standing in the doorway. “I’m Liam.”

The illusion is shattered in an instant. Harry nods and gestures for Liam to come inside. “I’m Harry. Louis went to take a shower if you want to sit and wait.”

Liam does so and looks around the house in what he probably thinks is a subtle way. He’s probably one of Louis’ rich celebrity friends who thinks it’s living in squalor if you don’t have someone waiting on you hand and foot at all times. Harry supposes thoughts like that could make him seem bitter or jealous, but he isn’t really. He’s just pissed off.

“No way, is that Lou?”

The way he says _Lou,_ with a gross amount of familiarity, makes Harry sort of want to kick him out. So, yes, maybe he is a bit jealous.

Liam is staring at the pictures on the fireplace mantle and grinning madly. Harry nods and says, “Yeah. There’s quite a few of him around.”

“God, he never lets me see any pictures of him as a kid,” Liam laughs, moving towards the fireplace to get a better look. “Quite right though, what on earth is he wearing?”

The picture he’s looking at in particular is from Louis’ sixteenth birthday party. He has his arm wrapped tight around Harry’s waist and Gemma is making faces in the background with a much younger Daisy in her arms. It was what their life used to be like with Louis around, happy and silly. Suddenly feeling protective of little Louis and his stupid red pants, Harry glares at Liam and crosses his arms over his chest.

“I always thought he looked nice.”

Liam frowns right back at him and takes a step away from the fireplace. “Sorry, who are you again? Are you Louis’ cousin or something? I’m sorry, he just never mentions his family much.”

Harry’s heart drops into his stomach. He doesn’t know why he’s so surprised that Liam doesn’t know who he is, Louis probably planned to erase them all from his memory when he left. It still hurts though.

“No,” he spits. “I’m not his cousin.”

It’s obvious Liam has no idea what he’s done to make Harry so mad, but Harry can’t bring himself to feel bad about it. He was the center of Louis’ entire world for so fucking long and Louis doesn’t even bother to mention that to his-what? Boyfriend? Fuck buddy? Obviously Liam was important enough to drag home with him, but not important enough to know about his past at all. And here Harry is, still hurting after so long, but Louis is just fine apparently.

Harry shakes his head and sits back down on the couch, lifting Ernest back into his arms and rubbing his back in soothing rhythmic motions. He isn’t sure if it’s for Ernest’s benefit or his own.

Minutes later the stairs creak and Louis appears wearing a pair of Harry’s old sweats and clean shaven. He rubs at his chin self-consciously when he catches Harry staring.

“Used your razor love,” he mumbles. “Hope you don’t mind.”

Harry shakes his head. He forgot he’d even left his bag in the bathroom. “I hardly use it as it is.”

The words make Louis smirk and Harry knows instantly that he’s thinking of all the times they fought over who’d grow chest hair first. Louis won that one of course, and he was able to grow a peach fuzz beard first as well. Harry catches himself about to smile at thought and immediately stops.

Louis steps towards Liam and frowns. “Li, if you’re tired you can head to a hotel,” he says softly. “I’ll pay for it, don’t worry about that.”

Liam makes a face but nods anyway. “I’ve got it Lou, but are you sure?”

“I’ll call you if I need you.”

Louis nods and steps up to pull Louis into a tight hug. Harry is so incredibly jealous and he hates himself for it.

“Everything’s handled, don’t worry. Text me, okay?” Liam whispers, kissing Louis’ temple.

As soon as he leaves, headlights disappearing down the empty street, Louis collapses onto the couch and the persona seems to melt away from his body. For the first time in years, christ _four_ years, Harry isn’t seeing Louis Tomlinson the heart throb trouble maker. It’s just Louis, his best friend, the boy he’s known longer than he can remember who comes over unannounced and steals all the food from their fridge and cuddles close to him at night while they tell ghost stories.

“Do you want him?” Harry asks, gesturing towards Ernest. “Calms you down I think.”

Louis nods and reaches his arms out for the baby. Ernest squirms a bit when he’s passed over but quickly relaxes against Louis’ chest and squeezes his forearms.

“How are they?” He asks.

Harry can feel the tears welling up in his eyes already. “Gemma’s gonna be okay,” he says first, because that’s the only thing keeping him from breaking down right now. “She’s got a couple badly broken bones and a concussion too. They were just worried because she didn’t-she wouldn’t wake up and-”

Louis cuts him off by reaching his free hand out. After only a split second of hesitation, Harry thinks screw it and collapses against his chest right next to Ernest.

“Harry, god,” Louis mumbles, crying as well now. “She’s going to be okay yeah? Don’t cry love, I’ve got you. I’m here now.”

Harry shakes his head but doesn’t move from Louis’ arms. “You aren’t. You aren’t here. You left us like we were nothing and you don’t even care.”

“That isn’t true,” Louis says sadly.

“Yes it is,” Harry shoots back. “It is true and you know it.”

Louis sighs and squeezes Harry tighter. “Baby,” he whispers, and Harry’s heart stutters. “I do care. I have always cared, okay? And I’m sorry. Can we talk about this later, please, I’m too worried about the girls to have it out with you right now.”

Harry just nods and goes back to laying Louis’ chest, playing at his sleeves. “You look so different,” he whispers, tracing his fingers around the tattoos on Louis’ wrist.

“It’s for you,” he says when Harry reaches out to brush his fingers across a large tattoo of a bird. “Remember, yeah?”

Harry pulls his hand away and blushes bright red. “Shut up.”

“My little bird,” Louis whispers, mostly to himself, and Harry can’t take it.

He stands up immediately and shakes his head. “I should call mum and checkup,” he says.

Louis just nods sadly and settles into the corner of the couch. Harry leaves him there with his lips pressed to the crown of Ernest’s head and his eyes closed.

“Louis’s back,” Harry blurts out after his mum gives him an update on Gemma.

Anne stops and simply says, “He isn’t.” She sounds close to tears again and Harry feels awful for it.

“I called him,” he admits. “I’m sorry Mum, but he deserved to know. They’re his family too.”

She sighs loudly. “I’m not upset with you, darling, I just can’t believe he came back just like that. What did you say?”

Harry goes red and looks down at his feet, bare against the cold tile of the kitchen floor. “I just told him I needed him,” he says, blushing red at the admission.

Anne lets out a sad little laugh. “That would be it, wouldn’t it,” she says. “Don’t worry about it darling, you did the right thing. Everyone will come around.”

Harry nods and crosses his arms over his stomach. “I didn’t think it would hurt this bad,” he whispers, his voice cracking halfway through.

“I know sweetheart,” Anne says sympathetically. “Lottie should be released in the morning and Dan’s going to watch the children so you can come and see Gems. Louis can come too.”

Harry sighs and peeks around the corner to see Louis still quietly holding onto Ernest and staring at the wall blankly. “He’s brought someone with him,” he blurts out. “A man.”

Anne makes a noise that sounds like blatant disapproval. “You don’t know that’s what it is love. Just focus on yourself, you can worry about that later.”

Harry begrudgingly agrees and after far too many _I Love You_ ’s, hangs up. Just as he does he hears the stairs creaking and little footsteps making their way down.

“Louis?” He hears one of the twins whispers. “Louis, you’re really here?”

Louis laughs softly but Harry can hear the tears in his voice when he speaks. “Hey Daisy.”

So Harry decides to stay in the kitchen for a bit longer and let Louis have this moment with his sister.

 

Louis hates hospitals. The last time he was in one was back when Harry fractured his arm when they were sixteen and eighteen. He spent the entire time crying at Harry’s bedside, certain this was all his fault, while Harry laughed at his dramatics. He’s been staying as far away as possible since then.

Harry leads the way through to the unit where Gemma is. Anne agreed to let Louis have his moment with Jay and he hasn’t yet seen her, but he knows it’s going to be a tearful reunion for both of them.

He stops walking when he spots Lottie outside of a door quietly talking on her phone.

“Shit,” he murmurs, eying the patch of gauze tapped to her forehead, the bruises on her face and the brace on one of her wrists.

“It’s alright love,” he hears her whispering. “No, I’m sure you don’t have to come. I can drive home fine-ugh. Okay, fine I’ll see you out there. I love you too.”

Louis scowls. “Who is she talking to?”

“Peter, probably,” Harry says with a shrug.

“The fuck is Peter?”

Harry rolls his eyes and starts walking again, not waiting for Louis to catch up. “Her boyfriend, the same boyfriend she’s had for quite a while now.”

A fuzzy picture comes to Louis’ mind of a man he barely remembers. “That prick?”

Harry shakes his head. “He isn’t a prick, he’s actually quite lovely. Just because you got blackout drunk and accosted him at the family Christmas party doesn’t make him a prick.”

Louis crosses his arms over his chest. He doesn’t remember that at all, though he supposes that could be a result of getting blackout drunk. “I didn’t accost him, I’m sure.”

Harry snorts. “You challenged him to fight you repeatedly,” he reminds Louis. “And after he refused you yelled at anyone who would listen about how much of a pussy he was. Your poor nan just about had a heart attack.”

“I did not even,” he snarks back childishly.

At the sound of his voice, Lottie whips her head up. Her eyes go wide when she first sees her brother, but her expression quickly turns stormy. She whispers something into the phone and hangs up.

“Hey Lots,” Louis says kindly.

As soon as he’s close enough, Lottie reaches out with her uninjured hand and slaps him across the face.

Louis stumbles backward in shock. He’s about to start yelling at her when he notices the tears in her eyes.

“How could you?” she demands. “How could you just turn your back on all of us, Louis? You never would have come back if it wasn’t for this! You don’t even _care_!”

The only thing that stops his sister from continuing on her rant is Harry stepping forward and tugging her into a hug. He holds Lottie against his chest and hushes her gently, rubbing her back as he does so.

“It’s all right love,” he whispers. “I’ve got you, yeah? Please don’t cry, sweetheart.”

Lottie nods and Louis finds that he’s irrationally jealous of the way she grabs onto him so tightly. He’s the older brother here, not Harry. He should be the one comforting her, not him.

Then again, he is the entire reason she’s crying right now which certainly doesn’t help his case.

“Careful of your stitches,” Harry reminds Lottie when she pulls away. “Are you okay, love?”

Lottie nods and glances back over at Louis for a split second. She wipes under her eyes and talks only to Harry when she speaks again. “I’m going to head home, Peter’s worried himself into a fit and he’s picking me up. Gems should be waking up soon if you want to see her, but Mum is in there as well. I’d warn her that _he_ _’s_ here.”

The way she says it breaks Louis’ heart. It’s like she doesn’t even know him, like he’s a stranger. He supposes, however, that after all this time he is.

“Charlotte,” Louis tries again but Lottie is already walking down the hall and away from him.

Harry sighs and ignores Louis’ eyes. “You deserved that.”

“Thanks for having my back,” Louis grumbles.

Saying nothing else, Harry turns and pushes the door to the hospital room open. Louis’ breath catches in his chest. Gemma’s laying asleep in bed, tubes and wires crisscrossing everywhere. One of her legs is in a cast and her arm as well, and despite Harry’s warnings he’s shocked.

“Louis?” Jay gasps, standing up from the chair beside Gemma’s bed. “What-Louis, what are you doing here?”

“I called him,” Harry explains. He looks at Louis’ shocked face and whispers, “Lou, she’s okay.”

Louis shakes his head and when he speaks his voice is thick with tears. “She doesn’t look okay. Why isn’t she awake, shouldn’t she be? Where are the doctors at? Why isn’t someone here and watching her in case something happens?”

“Oh, baby,” Jay murmurs, and just like that he finds himself back in his mum’s arms like no time has passed. He missed her so much. “She’s all right, darling. I promise.”

Louis shakes his head and hates that he’s crying. “Harry said she wouldn’t wake up, why wouldn’t she wake up?”

Jay kisses his forehead and rubs his back, still not letting him go. “She hit her head pretty hard, love.”

It’s an awful thought. Just imagining Lottie and Gemma so hurt makes Louis shake, but seeing it is so much worse. It could have been worse, his mind whispers, it could have been so much worse than this.

Louis pulls away and looks back to Gemma with tears in his eyes. Harry steps forward and hugs Jay as well. Jay holds onto him just as tightly as she held Louis and wipes at his tears.

“Thank you for watching the kids, darling,” she murmurs when he pulls away.

Harry nods and shrugs. “They’re no trouble, you know that. Thank you for taking care of Mum.”

Jay gives him a watery smile and kisses his cheek. She looks so proud of him that Louis is almost upset about it. It’s awful, finding he barely knows his family anymore. How could he let this happen?

“You can stay here tonight,” Jay says to Harry. “I’ll have to go home with Lottie anyway. The couch is all yours.”

The two of them keep talking but Louis can’t stop staring at Gemma. The last time he saw her was four years ago when she was glaring at him from the door of Harry’s apartment, telling him not to come back until he got his shit together and remembered who really loved him. And now here he is.

“Louis,” Jay murmurs, and when Louis turns to look at her she seems heartbroken. “Are you staying long?”

Without thinking about the answer, Louis nods. “I’m staying for as long as I can. I’ll make some calls, talk to Liam and see what he can do.”

Harry scoffs. “How much can there really be to move around,” he says under his breath.

Louis turns to glare at him. “I do work, you know.”

“Doesn’t seem like it from what I’ve seen.”

“Oh and you just believe everything you read-”

“Boys,” Jay says sternly. “Not here. Fight all you want, I don’t care anymore, but you will not do it here and certainly not now.”

Properly scolded, both men mumble apologies and go quiet. Jay sighs and shakes her head at the two of them, but says nothing else. Instead, she goes to sit back down in her chair and watch over Gemma. Harry pulls up another one and Louis is left leaning against the wall.

They don’t speak again until there’s shuffling from Gemma’s bed and she groans. Jay immediately runs to grab a nurse.

In her bed, Gemma blinks her eyes open and looks around. When she sees Louis, she frowns. “Louis?” she croaks. “Fuck, I’m dead aren’t I?”

“You aren’t dead,” Louis says. “Harry called me and I came right back.”

Gemma laughs but it sounds tired and wheezy and it breaks Louis’ heart. “Took me almost dying to get you back, huh? Come here you twat, give me a hug.”

“Fuck Gems,” Louis mumbles, bursting into tears all over again. He stumbles forward to hug her as gently as he can. “Don’t fucking scare me like that again. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I’ve made him cry, Harry,” Gemma says happily. “Look, tears and all.”

“Sod off,” Louis laughs. He stands back up again and wipes at his eyes. He’s cried more in just this one day than he has in years.

Gemma smiles and then nudges his thigh with her bandaged hand. “I missed you. We all did, don’t let them fool you.”

Louis reaches down and gives her hand a soft squeeze. “I missed you too. You aren’t in any pain, right? Because there probably should be someone in here with you and I-”

“Lou,” Harry murmurs, gently touching his waist. “She’ll say if she isn’t feeling okay. Trust me, it’s Gemma, she loves to complain.”

“Hey,” Gemma says sharply. “I’m in the hospital, you’re supposed to be nice to me.”

Louis lets Harry pull him into his side and he doesn’t know why. They were fighting only moments ago, and yet he seeks out Harry’s comfort. That is how they’ve always been though, as far back as Louis can remember, going from fighting to loving each other once again in only seconds. Louis has missed that.

The nurse enters the room with Jay following behind her. At the sight of Louis, she stumbles and gasps. “Oh my god.”

“Hey, maybe focus on her yeah?” Louis snaps.

Jay frowns. “Louis, don’t be rude.”

“I’m not being rude, but I’m also not the one who’s hurt here,” Louis grumbles.

Harry just tugs him closer and whispers in his ear. “She’ll be okay. You trust me, don’t you?”

Suddenly he’s eighteen again and Harry is so close to him, too close. Their noses brush, Harry’s hands are on his body and he whispers, _You trust me, don_ _’t you?_

“Of course I trust you,” Louis replies automatically. That has never changed.

The nurse checks Gemma over, asks her questions, and talks with Jay who is probably the only one with any clue what she’s saying. Eventually she says she’ll have the doctor check in soon, hands Gemma a button to press for her pain meds, and leaves.

“That’s it?” Louis asks.

Jay nods. “She’s doing very well darling, her pain is being managed fine and her concussion is improving.”

“Hey,” Gemma says when she sees Louis heading towards the door. “No special treatment, get your arse back over here. I’m not having some lovesick intern hover at my side all day just to make you happy.”

Louis frowns but stops his movement. “That’s not-”

“Yes it is, that’s exactly what you were doing,” Gemma sighs and closes her eyes. “Fuck, you’re far more trouble than you’re worth sometimes.”

Jay frowns. “Gemma.”

“I’m only kidding,” Gemma teases.

Louis rolls his eyes and goes back to Harry’s side. Jay watches them closely before asking, “So where are you staying, love?”

“Liam, my manager, he’s got us a hotel somewhere,” Louis says. “But he’ll have to leave in a couple days so I’ll have it to myself.”

Jay frowns and shares a look with Gemma that Louis can’t quite decipher. For some reason, he gets the impression they’re planning something.

“A hotel?” his mum asks, obviously trying her best to sound appalled at the thought of Louis staying there. “Why don’t you just stay with one of us? You’d be far more comfortable.”

Louis shakes his head. “As nice as that is Mum, you have the kids and I’m not shacking up at poor Anne’s house for the foreseeable future.”

“You can stay with Harry,” Jay decides, turning to smile at Harry kindly. “Your roommate just moved out, hasn’t he?”

Harry’s eyes go wide. “Well yeah, but-”

“Then it’s perfect!” Gemma interrupts. “Louis can stay with Harry.”

Louis turns to Harry who still looks shocked by all of this. This was definitely a plan between Jay and Gemma, then. “You don’t have to,” he murmurs, wanting to give Harry a way out. “The hotel is fine.”

Harry shakes his head. “You can stay at mine. I want you to.”

Louis nods and decides to ignore the way Gemma is winking at him from her bed and the sly little grin on Jay’s face.

 

Harry drives as careful as he can but he’s pissed off. Louis is in the passenger seat beside him on the phone with that guy, Lima or whatever his stupid name is. He hates how close they are and he hates that he even cares. Being jealous is not something he very much enjoys, especially when it comes to Louis.

“I’m okay babe, really,” Louis whispers into the phone. “How pissed off are they?”

There’s some mumbling from the other end and Louis rubs his forehead.

“They can suck it up,” Louis says sternly. “When was the last time I even got a break? Nothing big is happening anyway, this is a thousand times more important than some stupid telly appearance.”

Harry quietly pulls into a parking space next to his building. Louis looks up and nods. “I have to go, okay? I love you too, idiot.”

Louis hangs up and grabs his bag from the backseat. Harry leads him inside the building and to the lift. They’re stuck inside together in close corners and it’s so strange. A part of Harry so instinctively wants to be close to him, just as they’ve always been. He can’t, though, of course he can’t.

“So, Liam,” he starts to say, and he isn’t entirely sure where he’s going with it.

“He’s my manager,” Louis says, not looking up from his phone. “Basically he’s trying to fix everything right now, poor lad.”

Harry nods. “And you’re together?”

Louis coughs loudly and shakes his head. “God, no, absolutely not. Liam is disgustingly heterosexual. He actually got broken up with a week ago, he’s proper heartbroken.”

It bothers Harry a bit how happy that makes him, so he puts on his best sad frown. “Poor guy.”

“They were together three years, she was the one y’know? At least we all thought so.”

And like an idiot Harry blurts out, “I know.”

Louis looks up from his phone finally, his blue eyes sad. “Yeah,” he sighs. “Yeah, I guess you do.”

Harry says nothing else and they fall back into silence. The lift dings as it reaches his floor and Harry leads Louis towards into his flat.

It’s a complete mess of course, Harry hasn’t even been back since he got the call that had him tearing out of the flat. Louis looks around, his eyes eventually falling to the abandoned stack of books on the couch and he smiles.

“You’re still in school,” he remarks, sounding a bit proud of that.

Harry nods and kicks off his shoes, motioning for Louis to do the same. “It takes a while to become a lawyer, you know.”

“Smart boy,” Louis murmurs.

“I’m not a boy anymore,” Harry says, because he isn’t. He’s an adult who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself without Louis around, thank you very much.

Louis just smiles and shakes his head and Harry irrationally thinks of all the times Louis called him his.

 _My smart boy,_ he’d whisper into Harry’s ear whenever he’d done well.

 _No one messes with my boy,_ he’d say sternly after successfully chasing off bullying older classmates.

 _My boy. My baby,_ Louis always whispered at night when they were alone and Harry was like putty in Louis’ hands.

Harry shakes those thoughts away as quickly as they came and looks back at Louis who is still smiling at him. “You can have my roommates old room,” he says, gesturing towards the hall. “He only moved out a couple days ago, so it’s probably a mess, but he’s left the bed and the wardrobe.”

Louis frowns. “Why’d he leave?”

Harry falters. “We um-there was a misunderstanding.”

Louis expression turns stormy and Harry knows that he’s guessed exactly what happened. “Yeah? What kind of a misunderstanding?”

“Louis,” Harry sighs. It’s already been such a long day at only half noon and he doesn’t want to fight right now.

Louis scowls. “Did that fucking prick try something?”

“I don’t think that’s really any of your business anymore,” Harry says.

And of course Harry’s right, so Louis doesn’t say anything. He’s always been so stubborn that way, it’s almost comforting to find it hasn’t changed.

Harry clears off his couch so they can sit down and Louis drops his bag to the ground. They sit down together, Harry attempting to make himself small and curl up against the side of the sofa. There’s so much he wants to say, so much he wants to talk about.

“You never even call me anymore,” is what he settles on. Not the most pressing issue on the table to be sure, but it’s something that’s always bothered him.

Louis looks down at his hands. “I know,” he whispers.

“I always think about it,” Harry laughs wetly. “Like, the amount of times I’ve gone to call you only to remember that I can’t is scary.”

“You can always call me,” Louis says instantly.

Harry shakes his head. “I can’t, though can I? Because I think that the only thing that would hurt more than not speaking to each other is knowing you won’t answer my calls.”

Louis lets out a shuddering breath. “I love you,” he says.

“Fuck you,” Harry replies.

“You know that I’ve always loved you,” Louis continues, not stopping to acknowledge what Harry’s said.

Harry shakes his head. “I know, but sometimes I wonder if that ever went past us just growing up together. We were never apart Louis, never for so many years, and the minute we were you just left me. So sometimes, when I let myself think about it, I think maybe that’s why we don’t work. You were just so used to loving me because you didn’t know anything else.”

Louis looks stricken by it. “No. That’s not true at all.”

“How do you know?” Harry asks.

“Because I have never loved anyone the way I loved you,” Louis says. “The way that I still do love you. No one could ever even come close, Harry.”

“And god knows you’ve tried,” Harry murmurs.

Louis shakes his head. “Listen, okay? Not everything that you read is gospel Harry, how many times have I told you that?”

“I’ve seen pictures,” Harry shoots back. Not that he’s admitting to essentially stalking Louis ever since he left, but that’s what it feels like.

“Okay yeah, I’ve fucked up in the past,” Louis admits. “But a lot of those people were nothing, Harry, just publicity stunts. I never went home with more than half of them, never slept with any of them except one and we were dating. I’m still Louis, I didn’t just turn into some gross asshole overnight.”

Harry sighs and brings his knees up to his chest. He closes his eyes and rests against the arm of the sofa. “I don’t want to fight with you. You know I hate fighting.”

A hand comes to rest on his forearm. It’s so familiar, the way Louis touches him. He knows everything about Harry, and at one point Harry believed he knew everything about Louis. Now he isn’t so sure.

Louis runs his hand along Harry’s shoulder and gently rests his thumb at the base of Harry’s neck. He presses gently, rubbing in small circles. “I know sweetheart,” he murmurs, and god Harry fucking hates him. “And you don’t need that kind of stress right now either, bird. Come cuddle, yeah?”

Harry scoffs. “I can’t cuddle with you,” he mumbles, but he finds himself already letting Louis pull him in closer.

The chuckle Louis lets out sounds like a rumble under Harry’s ear. He now has his head pressed to Louis’ chest and it’s obvious that he’s lost this battle.

“You’re tired,” Louis whispers, threading his fingers through Harry’s hair and tugging gently. “Let me take care of you for a bit. It’s just us.”

Harry hates how easily that makes him melt. “It’s just us,” he repeats with a sigh. He lets himself be moved around a bit until Louis seems satisfied with their arrangement before he says what his mind is begging him to. “This is just because I’m tired. I haven’t forgiven you.”

“I know bird,” Louis sighs. “But I love you. I have always loved you, as long as I can remember I have loved you. That could never change.”

The words make Harry shiver involuntarily. He doesn’t say anything back, simply because he can’t think of anything that wouldn’t end with him in tears. So he just lets Louis hold him until he falls asleep.

 

Harry has grown quite a bit taller and heavier since the last time Louis had to carry him to bed. Then again, the last time Louis had to do that was at Harry’s eighteenth birthday party when he got too drunk to stand any longer. It’s been many years since then, but Liam has also forced Louis into training and this is the first time it’s really paid off at all.

After somehow dragging Harry to bed without waking him up or banging his head on any doorways, Louis heads back to the living room. His intention is to clean up a bit, something he loathes doing in his own home but he knows Harry will stress over if it isn’t done. When they lived together, Harry was an absolute neat freak while Louis did his best. He eventually learned to pick up his shoes, after months of reminding, and that was mostly it.

Instead of the empty mess Louis left behind, he finds a man quietly opening the door and looking around. He seems a bit too pretty and normal looking to be a burglar, but Louis doesn’t really have much experience with burglars. Do people even rob homes in the middle of the day?

“Can I help you?” Louis calls.

The man jumps and chokes on a scream when he sees Louis. “Fuck, who the hell are you?” He demands, like he isn’t currently sneaking into Harry’s flat.

“I could ask you the same question,” Louis shoots back.

The man takes a step forward and dangles a set of keys in front of his face. “I’m Henry, I’m the flatmate. Well, actually I’m moving out, but I’ve still got a few bags left and Harry needs my keys. Shit, you look so familiar, what’d you say your name was?”

“I’m Harry’s friend,” Louis shots back. “It’s the middle of the day, you know, and last I heard you two weren’t exactly on speaking terms.”

Henry nods and makes a face. “I didn’t think he’d be here, he’s usually in class right now. I’ll be out in five minutes, I just have to grab my bags.”

Louis leans against the wall and gives Henry a once over before raising his eyebrows. “Well, get on with it. Try not to be too loud about it, he’s sleeping.”

The confused looking man nods and makes his way towards the hall, stopping as he gets closer to Louis. Recognition washes over his expression and he chokes on a laugh. “Holy shit, I know who you are! You’re that singer-”

“Get your shit,” Louis growls. “And if I ever find out that you tried coming on to my boy again, you’ll be six feet under.”

It’s an empty threat of course, Henry is about twice Louis’ size, but the thought of anyone making Harry uncomfortable that way infuriates him. The thought of another person even thinking of his boy that way makes him angry. Spending too much time remembering that Harry has most likely, and rightfully, been with someone during the time they’ve spent apart could drive Louis mad.

Henry’s eyes go wide. “He never mentioned you,” he says, and it stings. “I wouldn’t have done anything if I knew he had a boyfriend.”

“I am not his boyfriend,” Louis says, which just serves to make him angrier. “And it doesn’t matter that I’m not, because he doesn’t need the guy he’s living with making him feel uncomfortable. That isn’t going to happen. You know, I don’t see you getting your things Henry, maybe you should just leave?”

At that, Henry practically runs down the hall and into the room opposite Harry’s. Louis stays leaning against the wall and waiting while Henry grabs the rest of his things. Before he leaves, Henry leaves the keys on the counter and writes Harry a quick note that he folds up underneath them. Louis is half tempted to read it, but he knows that’s probably crossing some sort of boundary.

Instead, he escorts Henry out and locks the door after him. The thought of cleaning up now seems like too much. The stress of being here, facing his past with Harry head on, and hardly sleeping in days is just now hitting him. But Harry is tired too, Harry needs help too and damn it if Louis isn’t going to help him.

He quickly does a sweep of the house, tidying Harry’s books, folding and putting away his small collection of throw blankets, putting a load of dirty clothes into the wash, and washing the few dishes left in the sink. It’s good enough, Louis decides, just for now at least.

The guest room is a bit of a mess, Louis finds. Henry’s left the bed and the wardrobe as Harry said, but nothing else. There aren’t even sheets and Louis has no idea where Harry would keep an extra set if he had one.

It’s just a nap, he tells himself as he quietly sneaks into Harry’s room. They’ve napped together hundreds, thousands of times over the years. It’s innocent, really.

Harry gently stirs when Louis rolls into bed beside him and sighs. “Lou?”

For a moment, Louis is brought back to years before, to working two jobs and coming home late at night to his exhausted boyfriend sleeping sweetly in bed. They were so close and yet Louis missed him so badly still.

“Yeah, babe,” Louis murmurs, laying down far enough from Harry not to disturb him.

“Someone here?” Harry croaks out, gently blinking his eyes open. It kills Louis seeing him this exhausted. The overwhelming need to take care of his boy hits him like a freight train.

Louis shakes his head and reaches out to gently push the curls out of Harry’s eyes. He’s grown his hair out long, like he always talked about doing. But when Louis pushes it back, over his forehead, Harry looks just like he did when he was eighteen and he was Louis’.

“Don’t worry about it, darling.”

As tired as he is, Harry nods and closes his eyes. Louis moves closer, watching him with no effort to hide it.

“Thank you,” Harry whispers.

Louis frowns. “For what?”

“Coming home,” Harry replies, moving closer to Louis’ as he drags his hands through Harry’s curls. “I need you, as much as I hate that.”

Louis smiles sadly and places a gentle kiss to the soft skin between Harry’s eyebrows. “I need you too,” he admits. “Go back to sleep, little one. I’m here now, I’ve got you.”

And just like that, Harry does.

 

Harry wakes up to the sunlight from outside shining over his face. It’s midday now, it seems, and he’s spent most of the day either sleeping or crying. It’s been quite awhile since that’s happened, not since-

Louis.

Fingertips drift across his bare back before settling in a familiar hold on his waist. Harry looks back and sure enough, Louis is passed out beside him. It’s so achingly familiar, nostalgia leaving a strange feeling in the pit of Harry’s stomach. And then the conversation they had hours ago now comes rushing back and Harry winces.

He meant it, of course he did, but that was not something he ever planned on telling anyone-especially Louis. He spent the months and years after their breakup disputing that very idea, reminding himself that he didn’t need Louis, he didn’t need _anyone_.

Of course that was a lie, but Harry isn’t happy about it.

As carefully as he can, Harry rolls out of bed. Louis’ expression quickly turns to a pout and he rolls towards the spot Harry’s left behind, burying his face in Harry’s pillow. Deciding to ignore that, Harry leaves the room and heads for the kitchen.

It’s obvious that Louis has tried to tidy up. Forgetting himself for a moment, Harry smiles. It’s so Louis of him, that’s all, the haphazardly folded blankets and the clean dishes despite the fact that he’s left his shoes and coat wherever they landed when he entered. When they lived together it drove Harry mad. When he left, Harry found that he missed tripping over Louis’ things.

Just to have him there would have been enough.

Harry sighs and gathers his textbooks from the living room to bring to the kitchen table. While the kettle boils, he opens his laptop to find most of his professors have emailed him back about what he can do in the meantime before he returns to classes. Harry isn’t really sure when that will be, but he wants to get something done today before he picks the kids up from school and heads to the hospital tonight to be with Gemma.

While making his tea, Harry finds Henry’s set of house keys laying on the counter on top of a note. He unfolds it and reads, _I_ _’ve gotten everything, tell your boyfriend I won’t be coming back._

Harry sighs. Louis.

Instead of dwelling on what on earth Louis could have done to make Henry believe they’re together, Harry throws himself into studying.

The reading he’s doing is so complicated that he completely forgets to drink his tea. He also doesn’t notice he isn’t alone in the room any longer until the cold tea is swept away and a brand new steaming mug is placed in front of him.

Harry groans and wipes his eyes, thankfully remembering to put his highlighter down first. He blinks up blearily at Louis who is watching him over his own cup of tea.

“Hey,” Louis says carefully.

Harry nods and reaches for the tea. It’s perfect, of course it is, Louis always makes it perfect. “Thanks,” he whispers, taking another sip. “Time’s it?”

Louis checks the expensive watch on his arm. Since when does Louis wear a watch?

“’Round two, love.”

Harry nods and looks down at his books scattered around him. He’s been working for a little over an hour then, and he has got a lot done. Not enough, of course, but it’s a start.

“I have to get the kids soon,” he remembers.

Louis shakes his head. “I’ll do it. You need to rest a bit more, you look awful.”

Harry snorts. “Thanks.”

Rolling his eyes, Louis pulls up the chair beside him and sits down. He studies Harry for a moment, bent over his books, before speaking again. “You know what I mean. You’re exhausted, and you obviously need to catch up with school a bit. Don’t worry about the kids, I’ll pick them up and you can focus on yourself for now and family later.”

Of course Harry can’t say no to that. He does need to work on school, and as prideful as he is, he isn’t stupid. If Louis is offering to take just one thing off his plate right now, he can’t say no. So, he nods his assent to a satisfied looking Louis and takes another sip of his tea.

Louis ruffles his curls and stands up again, leaving Harry to his studies.

While Harry works on going over the chapter of material he’s already missed in one of his classes, Louis putters around in the kitchen behind him. Harry isn’t really certain what he’s doing, he’s too busy to check, but as long as the kitchen hasn’t gone up in flames then it’s fine with him.

Minutes later, Louis appears again but this time it’s with a plate of food.

“What have you done?” Harry asks.

Louis smiles at his incredulous tone and puts the plate down so he can grab his own. “Babe, I asked if you wanted something and you just grunted at me. So, I’ve made you egg on toast and some other things I found hiding in your fridge. By the way, you really need to do a shop love, half the things in there have passed their expiry date.”

Harry frowns. “Are you trying to bribe me with food?”

Louis smiles and shakes his head. “No, Harry, I’m trying to take care of you. You need to eat something, I haven’t seen you eat a single thing since I’ve been back. I figured breakfast at half two in the afternoon will have to do, considering I’m shit at making anything else. C’mon, up you get.”

With a put upon sigh, Harry does as he’s told. He sits up from the half hunched position he’s been in for most of the afternoon and pushes his books away so there’s room for his food. One hesitant bite reveals that the food isn’t half bad and Harry’s stomach rumbles in agreement. He can’t remember the last time he ate either, now that he thinks of it.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

Louis’ face falls. He reaches out hesitantly and rests his hand between Harry’s shoulders, gently rubbing in circles.

“Because you’re my boy and you need me,” Louis reminds him. “I know you Harry, have you forgotten how well I know you? You’re trying to carry the whole world on your shoulders, love, and you’re going to crack. You need to take better care of yourself.”

It sounds so much like something Harry’s mum would say-actually, it sounds like what she has been saying for weeks now. He supposes that’s why Louis was always Anne’s favorite, they each had a vested interest in keeping Harry safe.

“There’s just not enough time,” Harry moans softly. “I can’t get all of my work done, watch the kids, be with my mum and Gemma, clean my flat, work, and remember to eat. It’s just all too much.”

Louis sighs and reaches up to gently massage the back of Harry’s neck. “It’ll be okay, we’ll figure it out,” he promises.

He always said that, Harry thinks with a wry smile. Even when it was quite obvious there was no figuring it out, no fixing it, Louis still promised Harry that they could. Not exactly the best track record, then.

“I’m trying,” Harry sighs. He just needs someone to acknowledge that besides himself.

Louis smiles. “I know you are, bird, you’re trying as hard as you can. What can I do right now to help?”

And if he’s offering- “Quiz me?” Harry asks, reaching for the growing stack of index cards next to his books.

Louis agrees, on the condition that Harry eats his food while Louis quizzes him. The food really is good, and Harry is starving, so he does as he’s told and finishes it whilst spouting off important terms and court cases. He absolutely does not feel any sort of pride when Louis tells him how impressed he is.

By the time Harry has finished his food and Louis has gone over the last card, it’s time for Louis to pick up the kids and Harry to head back to the hospital. Liam is picking Louis up, he's explained, and then they'll be going to get the kids in his massive car. Harry doesn't like it.

“You’ll be okay, yeah?” Harry asks nervously as Louis readies himself to go. “You know where they’re going to be and everything?”

Louis rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Harry, how many times have I picked up the girls? Christ, I went to that school I think I know where I’m going.”

Harry nods and bites his lip. “I don’t-” he starts, getting Louis’ attention right away. He has to continue then, no backing out. “I’m not staying the night. Mum is planning on it already and I still have so much to do and I don’t think spending the night on a chair is a good idea when I'm this exhausted.”

Louis smiles and squeezes his hand as he passes Harry to the door. “Good boy,” he says under his breath. “I’ll see you tonight, bird.”

Harry flushes bright red and takes a moment to get his breathing back to normal before getting ready to leave. It's nothing, he reminds himself, nothing is going on between them.

After a quick shower, simply because he can’t remember the last time he showered, Harry heads to the hospital.

Anne is alone in the room when Harry arrives, sitting the chair at Gemma’s bedside that she’s hardly left in days. She looks exhausted, Harry notes, he can’t remember ever seeing her look so tired.

“Hey Mum,” Harry murmurs, catching her attention.

Anne looks up and pastes on a smile for him, beckoning him forward for a hug. “Hello, love,” she sighs against his temple.

“How is she?” Harry asks, looking to Gemma who is passed out again. She’s probably the only person in their family getting enough sleep right now, but the rest of them don’t have access to heavy duty painkillers.

Well Louis might, Harry thinks with a small smile. That’s something those rich playboy types probably hand out at their parties like favors.

Anne kisses Harry’s cheek before letting him go. “As well as can be expected, love. The doctors are saying if she keeps doing well she may be able to come home as soon as next week. Recovery time after that is of course still up in the air. Jay and the doctor tried to help me make sense of it but I just…”

Anne trails off and shakes her head. Harry nods in understanding and kisses her forehead.

“It’s okay Mum. I’ll take care of it, I promise.”

Of course, Anne looks upset by that. She shakes her head at him. “Harry, you’re already so stressed out love. You have so much going on with school, and now Louis is here and I know you’re trying to deal with those emotions. Gemma and Jay told me he’s staying with you.”

Harry has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Their little scheme to get Harry and Louis to talk had worked obviously, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t annoyed by it. Louis had to know that’s what they were doing as well, and yet he’s sleeping at Harry’s side. It’s all so confusing.

“Louis is trying Mum,” Harry replies truthfully. “I can see that now, he’s trying really hard and we’re talking which is more than we’ve done in years.”

Something like a smile passes over Anne’s face. It makes Harry’s heart ache. He knows what she thinks, she’s told him a thousand times. He and Louis were meant for each other, soulmates from the day Harry was born. There was no one Anne trusted more with her only son than Louis.

And Louis hurt him, which of course makes her angry, but Harry knows that she’s always hoped someday they’d swallow their pride and make up. It’s just part of growing up, she would say in those early days of Louis being gone, when she was so certain he’d come back. You grow up, you change, you make stupid mistakes and say stupid things, but you realize what matters along the way.

“I’m happy to hear it,” Anne says, but Harry knows what she’s thinking.

There’s a short knock at the door and Lottie enters with a cup of coffee in each hand. Anne sighs in relief and reaches for it with a, “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Hey H,” Lottie says, giving Harry a quick one armed hug. “Christ, you look tired.”

Harry smiles. “Thanks,” he teases, kissing the top of her head.

Lottie giggles and squeezes his hip before pulling away. “Are you doing alright?”

“Spent most of the morning studying after getting home,” he sighs. “It’s driving me a bit mad already, but I’ll get there.”

Lottie nods sagely. “I get the feeling.”

“No studying for you,” Harry says sternly. “You need to rest and heal, school can wait.”

Lottie rolls her eyes and sits down on the chair beside Anne with a huff. “You’re worse than Mum,” she mutters.

Harry smiles and moves towards Gemma, leaning by the side of her bed and reaching for her hand. His sister groans a bit, but she squeezes back and that’s all Harry wants.

They couldn’t wake her up, that’s what everyone’s told him, she wouldn’t wake up.

“How is he?”

Harry looks up and finds Lottie frowning a bit at her own question. She’s livid with Louis, of course she is, but Harry hopes she may be able to start letting it go. They’re so much alike, that’s the problem, too stubborn for their own good.

“I think he’s doing okay. I hope so, at least. He hasn’t been drunk since he’s gotten here, so maybe he’s alright.”

Anne reaches over to squeeze Lottie’s hand and remind her, “You can’t control what he does, love. Louis makes his own choices, as bad as they may be.”

Lottie nods. “I know that,” she sighs. “But I still think about him all the time. I worry about him so much.”

“We all do,” Anne agrees. “But he’s out there making a name for himself, Lottie. I don’t think he’d be so successful if he was still acting that way.”

Harry bites his lip and looks down to where Gemma’s still holding tight to his hand in her sleep. He still feels so guilty, even after all this time. After all, he was the one who finally got fed up, he told Louis to just leave if he wanted to so badly. Harry broke up with Louis, Harry kicked Louis out of their apartment and changed the locks. It was Harry who called Gemma over to help him throw all of Louis’ things out into the hall. Harry sat and listened in tears when Louis got home and drunkenly banged on the door, cursing and begging to be let back in.

“No one blames you Harry,” Lottie says, as if she’s reading his mind. “Not even Mum. We were all at our wits end with him, we were out of options, but you were the only one brave enough to do anything about it.”

Harry shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have let him leave.”

It’s the thought that practically took over his mind in those weeks after Louis left. He shouldn’t have let Louis go, god knows where he might end up. Mostly, he thought he shouldn’t have let Louis go because they had never been one without the other. Being alone when all Harry ever knew how to be was with Louis was terrifying.

“I think he had to,” Gemma mumbles.

The three of them turn to find Gemma slowly blinking her eyes open. Harry frowns at her and asks, “Yeah?”

Gemma nods a little and lets go of Harry’s hand so she can reach out for the button they’ve given her to control her pain medication. She takes a deep breath before saying, “I think he needed to leave and figure out what he really wanted in life. As cliché as it sounds, he needed to find himself or whatever. It gets stifling here, we all know that he was never happy being just Louis from a little town in the middle of nowhere. He was always better than that.”

Harry agrees of course. Louis was better than any of the people they grew up with, he was better than staying in this little town for the rest of his life and wasting away. He proved that, of course, Harry never doubted him for a second.

“Yeah, but he could’ve done that without completely cutting us out of his life,” Lottie says angrily, which is exactly what Harry is thinking as well. “He could’ve done that without breaking Harry’s heart, without breaking Mum’s as well. For the longest time the only contact she had with him was when he would call late at night, drunk, asking for money between demos.”

Harry frowns. That’s the first time he’s heard of this. Neither of them were very well off when they broke up, but Harry never thought it was that bad. Louis never told him it was that bad.

“When was he doing that?” Harry demands.

“Before he signed that record deal,” Lottie says with a shrug. “I don’t think he wanted anyone to know he was broke and living in a rundown flat in London by himself, practically homeless. He wanted us all to think he was successful until he actually was, and then he paid his debts and left us behind like we were nothing. He sends Mum checks now and then, but that’s it. Not even a note.”

That was the first few months, then. Louis stayed in touch for a bit after he left town, though never with Harry. He came back every now and then to visit, bragging about all the amazing people he’d met in London and his amazing life there. One day Harry heard Louis’ song on the radio-the one where he crooned about touching Harry’s skin in the dark, promising that they were infinite-and Louis blew up.

And he stopped coming home.

And he stopped calling.

And he moved on, while Harry slowly realized he never could.

Harry is at a loss for what to say, especially to the fact that Louis has been sending money home to Jay without so much as a word. Luckily, right at that moment there’s another short knock on the door and a cheerful looking nurse walks in.

She smiles at Gemma and asks, “How are we feeling today, darling?”

Gemma grins at the older woman and shrugs with her good shoulder. “I’m alright Susie, just achy.”

“Well, we’ll have to fix that,” Susie says, glancing at Harry. “Who do we have here? You know, I think you have more visitors than I’ve ever seen one patient have before.”

Gemma laughs. “I’ve got a big family. That’s my little brother, Harry. Harry this is Susie, she keeps me company during the day when you’ve all gone.”

Harry smiles at the woman, pushing the thoughts of Louis away. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of my sister.”

Susie laughs. “You’re lucky to have such a loving family,” she stage-whispers to Gemma.

“I know,” Gemma replies. Harry couldn’t agree more.

 

Watching Liam Payne attempt to braid a child's hair was not something Louis ever thought he'd see in his life, but he's glad he has. It's hilarious, the concentrated look on his face, the twisted mess he's created out of Doris’ hair, the sparkly ribbon hair tie resting on his wrist.

“You doing alright there, love?” Louis laughs.

Liam looks up and scowls at him. Before he can say anything though, Doris speaks up.

“Liam is very bad at braids,” she says quite plainly.

Louis barks out a loud laugh while Liam looks appalled. He snaps the ribbon off his wrists and flicks it across the sofa to Louis, demanding that he do it if he thinks he's so smart.

“She really is your sister,” he mumbles, as Doris moves to sit in Louis’ lap.

Louis smiles. “Let's fix what that mean old Liam's done to your hair, yeah?”

Doris grins and sits patiently as Louis untangles the “braid” Liam had insisted he knew how to do. He then quickly twists her curly hair into a tiny little braid.

“I like when Harry braids it,” she says. “Makes it so nice.”

Louis smiles. “Well, you know who taught Harry?”

Doris giggles. “Lottie!” She says, as if that's a given.

“No!” Louis laughs, tying her hair up. “I did. So, next time he braids your hair _so nice_ you can tell him you know that your big brother is the real master braider in this family. There you are, sweet pea.”

After a quick kiss to her cheek, Doris pulls away and tugs her braid over her shoulder. She seems impressed and nods to him.

“Very nice, you're right,” she says. “I love it! Thank you, Louis.”

“You're welcome love,” he calls, as his sister goes running across the room to resume building a Lego tower with Ernest.

Louis watches the two of them interact with a smile on his face. It's been so long so he's seen his siblings, he almost forgot how much he missed them.

“Lou,” Liam says softly.

Louis hums and turns to see Liam watching him. “Why do you have that constipated look on your face, Leemo. It's extremely unattractive.”

“You seem so much happier here,” Liam says.

Louis groans and shakes his head. “Don’t start.”

But since it’s Liam, he doesn’t listen.

“You do,” he insists. “Maybe this is what you need. You know how I worry about you, you’re fucking depressed, Louis.”

Louis rolls his eyes as he always does when Liam says something stupid like that. “I’m not fucking depressed, Liam, my life is great. Besides, what would you like me to do? I can’t exactly base myself from this small town outside Donny, can I? Can’t produce anything here or perform here every night, can I?”

“Maybe what you need is to take a break and remember what it really is that you want,” Liam snaps back at him. The twins stop playing for a moment to look at the two of them, but one small smile from Louis has them returning. Liam takes a moment to level Louis with a serious stare before he continues. “You are depressed Louis, you’re depressed and exhausted. You’ve been going nonstop for three years, longer than that even and you need to take a break. How many other artists do you know that go this long without taking a break?”

Of course he’s right. Louis has a demanding schedule, he knows that it’s a bit abnormal. It’s just that he worked so hard to get here, he sacrificed so much over the years to be where he is today and he isn’t going to let himself stop and fade away to obscurity again.

Yeah he’s tired, of course he is, and yeah, okay, maybe he cries a bit more than the average person and spends a lot of his downtime in his room with the lights off and his eyes closed tight, but it's not that big of a deal. It’s not like he’s standing on ledges, waxing poetic about all the awful uncertainties of life. Liam needs to get a grip.

“Fuck off Liam,” he says in a harsh whisper. “Where is this even coming from?”

“I’m worried about you. You never talk about your family, Louis, not once. Now you’re here and I’ve never seen you this happy in all the years I’ve known you. This is what you want, admit it.”

Louis is starting to wish he had taken the older twins up on their offer to take Ernest and Doris upstairs with them. It’s quite hard to cuss out Liam like usual with two toddlers around.

“I don’t have to admit shit to you,” Louis points out.

“Well, at least tell me what the fuck is going on between you and Harry. I’m your best friend, Louis, you can tell me anything.”

Louis sighs and leans back on the couch, pulling his legs up to his chest. “Nothing’s going on,” he mutters.

“Well something was,” Liam insists. “I don’t get it, no one explains anything to me. I thought he was your cousin or long lost half-brother you never talk about or something.”

Louis fakes retching just at the thought of that. “God, no. Absolutely not.”

“Tell me then.”

“It’s a long story,” Louis sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Let me get the twins into the other room with Fizzy, I’ll be back.”

Liam nods and waits on the couch while Louis convinces the twins to abandon their playroom in favor of watching telly with Fizzy who has only just returned from uni hours ago after having to get a last minute flight in. She was much more welcoming than Lottie, greeting Louis with a large hug and tears. At least one of his siblings missed him, Louis thinks with a smile.

When Louis returns to the playroom with two mugs of tea, Liam doesn’t let him stall. Louis takes as much time as he can, getting comfortable on the couch. It really is a long story.

“We grew up together,” Louis starts, tucking his toes under Liam’s thigh. “His family is a good as mine, but I’m sure you’ve realized that by now. Anne was basically another mother to me, she and my mum have known each other for ages. They’re best friends, and it was almost like they raised us together. Gemma was a lot like a slightly older sister, she watched out for me in school when we were kids. She was in the year above and I was really flamboyant and embarrassing, even as a kid, but when he friends liked me everyone immediately thought I was cool. I mean, obviously yeah?”

Liam chuckles softly and Louis smiles. He can still remember his first day of school, Gemma confidently walking him in and introducing him to her much cooler and older friends. God knows what might’ve happened to him without her.

“And Harry,” Liam says.

Louis sighs and stares down into his tea. “Harry,” he repeats. His heart beats faster just at the boy’s name, it’s ridiculous how much he loves him.

“He was the baby, you know?” Louis mutters, looking up and waiting for Liam to nod. He probably doesn’t get it, really. No one could. “I had to protect him, like I protected all the rest of them but it was different. He wasn’t-it was never like it was with Lottie or Fizz or Gemma. I never teased him too harshly, or messed with him, or threw him around in the mud like I did with them. He was always special, he was always my boy. He was my baby. I mean sure, I teased him every now and then, but no one messed with my boy but me.”

Even at a young age, Louis was so gone for Harry. He never stood a chance.

Liam breathes in sharply and whispers, “Lou.”

“You would understand if you knew him then,” Louis smiles sadly at the memory of little Harry. “God, I loved him so much. I do still, always have. He was the sweetest kid, with those big eyes and those curls, and all he wanted to do was smile and make other people happy. Just-the most gentle person you’ve ever met. He cares so much about other people, I’ve always wished I could be more like him.

“We never got fully serious about being together until I graduated, and he was sixteen then. It wasn’t like much changed really. He was my first kiss, first…everything. I mean really, our first kiss was in our neighbor’s treehouse when we were ten and eight, but Harry never let me count that. But it’s just like I said, he was always _my_ boy. He had always been mine.”

Louis scratches at the bird on his forearm without really noticing.

“And he isn’t anymore?” Liam murmurs sadly.

Putting his mug down, Louis tilts his head up and stares at the ceiling. Tears prickle at his eyes but he pushes them away. He doesn’t deserve to cry, he’s the reason they’re this way. It’s his fault.

“I fucked it up,” he whispers. “I forgot what I had and I thought I wanted more. Things weren’t going like I imagined they would, so I would get drunk and try to forget that I was failing. We lived together in this awful little flat for a couple of years while he started in uni, and eventually he kicked me out. He was braver than anyone else in this family, brave enough to stop putting up with my shit at least, but I didn’t see it then. I got my record deal a few months after that and left for London, and then Los Angeles, New York, you know the deal. I stopped coming home.”

“Why?”

Louis laughs, and now he’s really crying. It wasn’t a high point in his life, though it probably should have been. “I couldn’t stand the way they looked at me. They were ashamed of me, they hate me. My mum got sick of dealing with me, Anne was disappointed, Gemma cursed me out anytime we spoke, and Lottie couldn’t stand the sight of me. And then Harry didn’t-he didn’t love me anymore, if there was anything I knew in life it was that Harry loved me. But he just, he stopped and I couldn’t, Liam I can’t-”

Liam reaches for him and Louis lets him, because fuck if he doesn’t need a hug right now. Liam shushes him and whispers, “Oh, Lou. He does, he loves you.”

“No he doesn’t, why should he?” Louis cries into Liam’s jumper. “I threw everything we had away, all of it for something so stupid and it wasn’t worth it. I thought this was what I wanted, but it isn’t if I can’t share it with him. He was fucking everything Liam, he was everything to me.”

Liam brushes his hand through Louis’ hair and sighs. “You don’t see the way he looks at you,” he murmurs. “No one has ever looked at me like that Louis, he loves you so much anyone can see that. Besides, he was about ready to bite my head off when we first met.”

That makes Louis smile, even if it’s only for a moment. “He thought you were my boyfriend.”

Liam laughs. “Yeah, that makes sense. I couldn’t figure out why he hated me so much, we’d only just met.”

Louis smiles at the thought of Harry trying his best to scare Liam off. He’s too sweet to be outwardly mean about it, Louis knows this from years of watching him deal with his jealousy. Instead, he gets all upset and pouty until Louis inevitably kissed him and promised Harry he was the only one. It’s sort of adorable, actually.

“Everything I do is for him,” Louis admits. “He is in everything I do and I love him so much. After everything, after all these years, he’s still my boy and all I want is for him to be happy.”

Liam sighs and rubs Louis’ forearm. “You need to talk to him. Really talk, a full conversation where you’re sober and so is he and neither of you are on the brink of falling asleep. You hurt him, Louis, you hurt all of them and Harry deserves an apology. Nothing is going to get fixed if you don’t apologize and listen to him. But if he makes you happy Louis, you deserve him. You deserve to be happy too.”

Louis says nothing because he isn’t sure he agrees.

 

Harry stays at the hospital until Gemma and Anne practically kick him out. The sun is setting already and he’s officially given up any intentions of studying tonight. All he wants is a drink and to sleep for as long as he possibly can.

The flat is dark and quiet when Harry arrives home. At first he assumes this is because Louis is still out somewhere, probably with Liam, and then he hears it. Soft crying, so soft Harry hardly catches it, coming from his room. Harry kicks off his shoes and heads straight there.

In his room he finds the muted television casting light onto the walls. Louis is in the middle of his bed, curled up into a ball with his hands up to his mouth in an attempt to muffle his sobbing.

“Louis?” Harry murmurs.

Louis jolts at the sound of Harry’s voice and immediately starts wiping his tears away. “Fuck,” he hiccups. “I um-I’m sorry, I’ll go.”

Of course Harry should let him go. After everything Louis’ done, after all he’s put Harry through, hearing him cry should probably bring Harry some sort of twist joy. It doesn’t though. Hearing Louis cry breaks Harry’s heart just the same as it always has.

“Lou,” Harry whispers. “Why are you crying?”

“Liam,” Louis mumbles, pulling his sleeves up over his hands so he can try to dry his tears.

Harry scowls. He knew there was a reason he didn’t like this Liam guy. “What’s he done to make you cry?” he demands.

Just like that, Louis is crying again and Harry can’t stand it. Some deep part of him, something that’s just always been there since the day he was born, demands that he comfort Louis. After shucking his jacket off onto the floor, Harry climbs right into bed beside Louis and pulls him close by his waist.

Louis does willingly, letting Harry wrap him up in his arms. His entire body shakes as he cries, his chest heaving with every shaky breath he takes in. In a moment of weakness, Harry reaches out to gently run his thumb under Louis’ eyes and wipe away his tears.

“What did he do, love?” Harry whispers, barely containing his anger. He feels as though he could kill Liam for hurting Louis so badly.

Louis shakes his head and closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath in before speaking. “Nothing, really. We just talked and he said some things and I hate that they’re true. I hate myself for hurting you, I hate myself for ever letting you go, and I hate that you don’t love me anymore and that I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t stand myself, Harry, I hate myself so much sometimes that I swear I…”

His words dissolve into sobs and Harry is almost glad Louis doesn’t finish that thought. Harry can’t think to do anything but hold him, he’s too shocked to do much else.

Never in a million years did Harry expect Louis to be the one who broke down and apologized. He’s always been too prideful, always willing to drag out an argument as long as he possibly could instead of just admitting he was wrong. Harry doesn’t think that that ever hurt as much as it hurts hearing Louis say he hates himself.

The thing is, Harry doesn’t hate Louis. He’s tried so hard to hate Louis, he’s said it out loud even, but the words just seem foreign. There was never a point in Harry’s life that he can remember not loving Louis. Even when he was young he can remember that fluttering in his heart when Louis would grab his hand and confidently lead him their houses and to the park.

So no, Harry doesn’t hate Louis. Louis hurt him though, he hurt Harry so badly and something like that can’t just be fixed overnight.

Harry rubs his thumbs across Louis’ wrists and kisses his temple.

“I never stopped loving you,” he whispers. “How could you think that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I deserve it.”

Harry sighs. “Lou, I could never stop loving you. Even when you left me, I still loved you. You did hurt me, Louis, and I know I was the one who ended it but it still hurts.”

“You deserve better,” Louis whispers.

Laughing softly, Harry shrugs as best he can whilst laying on his side. “Maybe I do, who knows really. Part of me is always going to want you, Louis. You ruined me for anyone else at a very young age, you know. I had to break up with my last boyfriend because he refused to go to Mum’s every Sunday for roast. Can you even imagine?”

“What an idiot,” Louis mutter. “The best part of being with you is getting Anne in the deal.”

“Excuse you,” Harry laughs. “I’m quite the catch, thank you very much.”

Louis cracks the smallest of smiles and nods his head. “You really are,” he whispers.

They move together, Harry laying flat out on his back with Louis doing the same beside him. Harry remembers, suddenly, just how many moments they shared together like this. Staring at the little glow in the dark stars on the ceiling of his childhood bedroom, Louis’ fingertips brushing his now and then, whispering secrets to one another when they were told to go to sleep hours ago. There was nothing they didn’t know about each other, Harry is sure of that.

Everything’s changed now, of course.

“I’m trying so hard to forgive you,” Harry whispers, keeping his eyes on his decidedly star-less ceiling. “But it isn’t going to happen all at once.”

Louis nods and sighs. “I know, love. I don’t think I deserve forgiveness, not with the way I treated you.”

“I want to forgive you,” Harry sighs. “So I’m going to, Tomlinson, but it’s a work in progress.”

“Stubborn,” Louis laughs softly.

Harry nods. “Learned it from you.”

They go silent again. Louis reaches out, gently hooks one pinky around Harry’s and sighs.

“Do you really send your mum money?” Harry blurts out.

Louis winces at that, obviously considering it a sore subject. “I’ve got more money than I know what to do with, Harry,” he replies. “Who told you that?”

“Lottie.”

“Little shit,” Louis groans. “I didn’t know Mum had told her.”

Harry scoffs. “Well you wouldn’t, would you?”

Louis sighs and separates their hands to reach up and rub at his forehead. “I deserve that, I guess.”

“You do,” Harry says, turning his head to face him. “Louis, I don’t-I mean, why? Why did you stop calling? Why did you stop coming back? I understand why you didn’t want to speak to me but god, Louis, they’re your family.”

Louis shakes his head, refusing to meet Harry’s eyes. “I couldn’t stand it,” he admits, his voice thick with tears again. “Every time I spoke to Mum I could hear the disappointment in her voice, H. You were all so ashamed of me and there was nothing I could do to fix that and I just couldn’t stand it any longer.”

“That’s an awful excuse,” Harry replies sternly. “They were disappointed Louis, I was too, but that doesn’t mean we stopped loving you. Of course we didn’t, that isn’t how family works. And for me, it wasn’t just that I’d lost you, I lost my best friend too. You were my best friend, Louis, and I’ve never felt that alone. I’ve missed you so much.”

Finally, Louis looks at him. He turns so he’s on his side, facing Harry who does the same. “I missed you too bird,” he whispers, and Harry’s heart feels like it’s breaking. “Baby, I missed you every moment. I never stopped thinking about you, never stopped missing you.”

Without really thinking, Harry holds his arms open, his lower lip wobbling. Louis surges forward and just about tackles him into a hug, holding onto him fiercely.

“Baby,” he whispers over and over, bunching Harry’s jumper up into his fists. “Baby, don’t cry. I’m so sorry.”

“I just want you back,” Harry sniffles. “I’ve missed you so much. I want my best friend back.”

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere,” he promises. “We’ll figure it out.”

Harry nods, praying that Louis is right, because the thing is now that he’s gotten Louis back in his arms again he can’t imagine letting him go.

 

Louis quietly sits at Gemma’s side. She’s sleeping and Louis is the only one left in the room. Jay had practically forced Anne to go home that morning and rest for the day in a real bed, and Louis convinced Harry to spend his day studying. Of course, everyone was worried about her being alone so Louis volunteered.

And so here he is now, emailing back and forth with Liam and the rest of his team on his iPad in Gemma’s hospital room. They’re planning the release of his album and the break that Liam is insisting on when Gemma blinks her eyes open.

“Hey, love,” Louis says. He stops writing mid-sentence and puts his iPad down, turning to Gemma. “Are you okay, should I grab someone?”

Gemma shakes her head with a smile. “No, I’m okay,” she sighs. “Just missed you superstar, that’s all. Can you hand me my water?”

Louis practically trips over his own feet to get to the tray a nurse left out for her. He pours more ice water into her cup and hands it over.

“Thanks,” Gemma sighs, before motioning to the chair. “Sit down, I want to talk to you.”

“Should I be scared?” Louis teases.

Gemma rolls her eyes. “Sit down, idiot.”

Louis nods and picks his iPad back up so he can quickly finish the email and send it off. Gemma watches him, frowning at the serious look on his face.

“What are you doing?”

Louis sighs and waves his hand. “Getting the next album out,” he replies. “Mine, I mean, and then we have to address what’s happening with my clients and their futures with my record label-”

“You have a record label?”

Shaking his head, Louis shifts his eyes down and away from Gemma’s gaze. “It’s not-like it’s still under the label I’m on now, but I have control over it yeah. I pick and sign the artists and all that.”

Gemma’s eyes go wide and she smiles that little proud smile Louis so wanted to avoid. “Love, that’s amazing. Why haven’t you said anything?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Louis says sternly, because he hates this. He hates that Gemma is proud of him when he’s done nothing to deserve it-when he’s done nothing but hurt them all. “But Liam has it set in his mind that I’m going to take a break, and I have to make sure they’re taken care of.”

Of course that doesn’t stop Gemma from smiling. “Who are they?”

While Louis explains about the girl band he’s started and the X-Factor hopeful he’s plucked up out of nothing, Gemma’s proud smile does not once falter. Louis doesn’t feel like he deserves it, but it does make his heart beat a bit faster. It’s been so long.

“The girls still don’t have a name, they change it twice a week but I swear we’re working on it,” he explains, reaching into his jacket for his phone. “But I have a couple of their demos if you want to listen?”

“Oh my god yes,” Gemma laughs. “I am so bored in here, you can’t even imagine.”

Louis smiles and hands her one of his earbuds and turns the music on. Gemma smiles when the song starts.

“Shit, they’re really good,” she comments.

Louis laughs. “Course they are, I picked them. They’ve got killer harmonies, yeah? They’re going to take over, just wait.”

“Lou, this is amazing,” she says, handing the earbuds back to him. “I’m so proud of you. Look what you’ve accomplished, you have a fucking record label for chrissakes. I hear you on the radio all the time, you’re out winning all these awards and shit.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be happy for me,” Louis sighs.

Gemma rolls her eyes. “Don’t try and downplay it Louis, that’s insane. You’ve come so far from that drunken lost asshole you used to be, be proud of yourself.”

Louis sighs and sits back in his chair. He closes the cover on his iPad and puts it down along with his phone. “I’m not proud of what it took to get me here,” he says carefully. “But I suppose I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.”

Reaching across the bed with her good hand, Gemma squeezes Louis’ hand. “Listen, okay, because I’ve been thinking a lot about this,” she says quite sternly, and Louis supposes this is what she’s spending her time on lately. “Did you fuck up? Yes, but everyone fucks up once in awhile Louis. Granted, yours was a bit of a massive prolonged fuck up, but still. We’re your family, and family doesn’t just leave when it gets hard. We gave you time but we’re still here and we always have been. We love you Louis, we just want you back.”

Louis sighs and shakes his head. It’s the same argument Liam’s been trying out on him, telling him that he needs his family. “I can’t just give up everything to-”

“No one is asking you to,” Gemma groans, looking up at the ceiling for a moment and seeming exasperated. “I’m not asking you to move back into your mum’s, I’m not asking you to give up everything. There’s no reason you can’t stay close with your family, I somehow manage it from so far off in London.”

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up. “You live in London? Since when?”

“Since I got a job writing there two years ago,” she says quite proudly. “What can I say, the people love me Tomlinson.”

“I can’t believe you were so close all that time,” Louis says sadly. “Why were you up here?”

Gemma laughs. “Visiting everyone, which is what you do when you grow up and move away. Is that shocking?”

Louis rolls his eyes at her attitude. “Yeah, I get it okay? I messed up.”

Gemma squeezes his hand again. “We still love you. We’ll always love you, even when you’re a complete idiot.”

And of course, that makes Louis think of last night with Harry. Gemma must recognize the look on his face because she sighs.

“He still loves you.”

“I don’t deserve that.”

Gemma laughs. “Well, I agree with you a bit there. I don’t remember a time when he wasn’t in love with you, Louis. I remember him being seven years old and blushing when I teased him about you.”

Louis smiles softly at the memories he has of them all at that age. “He’s my boy.”

“I know love,” Gemma murmurs. “I know he is, but you have to fix this. I’m not going to let you hurt him again. As much as I love you, I’ll kill you if you let that happen again.”

“I wouldn’t let myself,” Louis swears.

“He loves you,” she whispers. “Be good to him yeah?”

Louis nods. “I will,” he promises. “I love you too Gems, you know that right? And I’m so sorry that this is what it took for me to come home.”

Gemma smiles. “I’ve got Louis Tomlinson getting all mushy over me,” she teases. “Millions of teenage girls would kill to be me right now.”

“God, shut up,” Louis groans, shaking his head at her. “My songs are all about men anyway, the vast majority of them are about your brother.”

“Maybe they wouldn’t want to be me then,” Gemma laughs. “Now, important question. Have you got Netflix on that thing? Because I think I’ve watched the same cooking show twelve times by now and I’m dying of boredom.”

Louis just laughs and sets it up for her.

 

“So,” Anne says.

Harry groans and leans his head against the window of the car. Maybe the bouncing of the wheels will be enough to knock him out so he doesn’t have to have this conversation right now.

“Mum, if you’re going to pry just go ahead and do it. I hate when you play around like this.”

Anne laughs a bit and nods. “Have you and Louis talked it out, then?”

“Don’t go planning any weddings, but yes,” Harry replies. “We talked. We’re still talking.”

Of course, Anne positively beams. “And?” She presses.

“ _And_ nothing, Mum. We’re talking, we’re trying to be friends again.”

“Friends,” Anne laughs, as if that’s a ridiculous suggestion. “Well I suppose it’s better than before. And how is Niall.”

Harry rolls his eyes and considers for a brief moment just opening the door and rolling away from all of his problems. “We are still very much broken up, Mum,” he says instead. “You never showed a bit of interest in him, don’t pretend like you’re interested now.”

“He just isn’t the kind of person I think you should be with,” Anne says.

“But Louis is,” Harry assumes. Unsurprisingly his mother doesn’t answer, but Harry knows that’s what she’s thinking. Every boyfriend Harry’s had since Louis just hasn’t lived up to Anne’s ridiculously high expectations. No one could, that’s the entire point Harry’s come to realize, because there is only one Louis Tomlinson.

They walk into the hospital together in silence, Harry trying not to roll his eyes at his mum’s little satisfied smile. More than anything, he hates that she’s right. He hates the fact that deep down he knows that all he really wants is to be with Louis. He hates that every relationship, every one-night stand, even every crush, eventually ended because no one could compare to Louis.

What only makes it worse is the absolutely adorable sight that greets them when Anne pushes the door open to Gemma’s room.

The two of them are curled up in Gemma’s hospital bed together, both passed out cold while an iPad plays House of Cards on the pull out tray over Gemma’s bed. Anne immediately makes a cooing noise.

“Oh, look at them,” she whispers, hastily grabbing for her phone. “It’s just like when they were babies! Move over love, I have to get a picture to show Jay.”

Harry does but still makes a face at the two of them. “Is he even allowed up there with her?”

“Technically no,” Susie says, having appeared from nowhere behind them. “But they looked so peaceful, I didn’t have the heart to stop them.”

“Of course not,” Anne says, quite seriously. “Harry, stop that awful show please.”

Harry smirks and walks over to Louis’ iPad. He stops the episode in the middle of quite a loud sex scene, and his hands stutter when he sees the background is set to a picture of them making faces in Gemma’s hospital bed. He only barely stops himself from looking to see what other ridiculous pictures they’ve surely taken.

“Snooping?” Louis croaks, blinking his eyes open.

Harry almost drops the iPad but quickly catches himself and holds it to his chest. “What?” he scoffs, knowing how guilty he must sound. “No, of course not.”

Louis smiles and gently moves his arm from where it’s draped across Gemma’s shoulders. “Anne, hi love,” he says when he spots Anne speaking to Susie by the door. “Alright?”

“I’m lovely darling,” Anne replies, sweeping in to kiss him noisily on the cheek. Louis makes a face behind her back that has Harry holding back laughter as best he can.

“How’s Gemma?” Harry asks.

Anne positively beams. “The nurse says she’s doing so well, she could come home any day now. Well, my home I mean-not back to London just yet of course. She still has to take time and get her strength back, there’ll be physical therapy and the lot. She can work from home, we just have to arrange things with her flat and getting someone to bring her cat up. She has someone taking care of it right now, but I know she’ll want it around when she’s home to cheer her up.”

“I can take care of all that,” Louis says, carefully getting out of the bed. “If you send me her address I can find someone to pick her cat up and bring it here. I can handle the flat as well, if she’ll let me, I know someone that may be able to get her out of her lease if she ends up needing it.”

Anne’s face absolutely lights up. She turns to look at Harry as if to say, _See?_ before replying, “Darling, you don’t have to do all that.”

“It’s no trouble, really it’s the least I can do,” Louis sighs, reaching to grab his coat and scarf off the chair near Gemma’s bed. He wraps the scarf around his neck and looks to Anne asking, “Are you hungry, love? I’m half starved, I’ll pick up something for you if you’d like.”

Harry really wishes Louis would stop so his mother would stop giving him that look. It gets old quite fast.

“That sounds lovely,” Anne agrees. “Take Harry with you, the poor thing hardly eats at all these days.”

Harry groans. “Mum, honestly-”

“You know how he gets,” Anne whispers to Louis conspiratorially.

Louis nods and drags Harry away by the elbow before he can start protesting in earnest. Louis pulls him out into the hall and towards the lifts, giving Harry’s arm a soft squeeze before letting go.

“Well,” he says.

Harry shakes his head. “She just worries about me, you know how Mum is. If I’m not stuffing myself full every two hours, I must be half dead.”

Louis just smiles and carefully rests his hand on the small of Harry’s back. Without really thinking, Harry leans into his touch until Louis gets the hint and curls his hand around Harry’s waist. Louis tugs him as close as he can while still walking.

“If Anne needs anything you’ll tell me won’t you?” Louis says out of nowhere.

Harry frowns. “What does that mean?”

“You know what it means,” Louis says, stopping them at the lifts. “Gemma’s going to be living with her for awhile and with physical therapy and that sort of thing, it adds up.”

“The way to make us forgive you isn’t by throwing money at us.” Harry says quite seriously.

Before Louis can answer, the lift dings and the doors slide open. It’s thankfully empty and Harry stays at Louis side when they enter, drifting his hand over Louis’ fingers on his waist. It’s just a bit strange that he’s gone so long without Louis’ touch and now it’s back just like that.

“I don’t have anyone,” Louis whispers, his voice sounding broken. “Liam is all I have anymore, besides you lot. I’ve got all this money and nothing worthwhile to do with it.”

Something in his voice makes Harry so sad. He isn’t used to this Louis, this defeated and sad man who wants to just give up. The Louis he grew up with was confident and stubborn, the Louis he loved would be laughing at himself right now. It breaks his heart.

“You should save it,” Harry suggests. “You want to have a family someday.”

It isn’t a question, because Harry knows. He’s known forever that Louis wants kids, they used to whisper about their future together at night between giggles and kisses. In the dark freezing quiet of their shitty flat, Louis would press his lips to Harry’s forehead and Harry would dance his fingertips across Louis’ ribcage, and they would trade whispers about imaginary children and fantasy weddings.

“I do,” Louis answers, of course. “But I can’t imagine anyone else wanting that with me.”

 Before Harry can stop himself he says, “I did, once.”

And his heart is aching because he never stopped wanting that. He never could.

Thankfully the lift doors slide open again and two people enter. One is a younger girl who spots Louis and immediately lets out a soft squeak. Louis smiles at her but stands closer to Harry and slips his hand into his jacket for his sunglasses.

Harry frowns and possessively crosses his arm over Louis’, leaning into him. Behind his sunglasses Harry can see Louis roll his eyes fondly.

They get out on the first floor and Harry lets his arm go, but Louis doesn’t. He looks around a bit before asking, “Hospital food or something else, love? Poor Anne probably hasn’t had much else lately.”

Harry agrees. “I know a cafe around here, I’ll show you.”

“Good,” Louis says with a curt little nod. “You need proper food anyway, little bird.”

The words have Harry blushing in an instant. “Louis,” he groans.

Louis just smiles at his embarrassment and gently rubs at Harry’s side with his thumb. “You’ve gone all red, love.”

“You’re embarrassing,” Harry mutters, ducking his head down as they walk out into the cold.

“I know,” Louis laughs. “But you missed it, didn’t you?”

Harry says nothing, just gently pinches Louis’ side and smiles at the wounded noise he makes. They stay close together in the walk to the cafe, Harry somewhat wishing he had brought a scarf.

“Should I get Gemma something?” Louis wonders as they enter the bustling cafe. He has his wallet out already, ignoring Harry’s protests in favor of squinting at the menu board.

Harry shrugs. “I don’t think she’s allowed. Where are your glasses?”

“I’ll get her tea,” he decides. “And I don’t need glasses, that was a phase.”

Harry snorts. “Poor eyesight isn’t a phase, Lou.”

Instead of answering, Louis mocks him in a ridiculously high voice and edges closer to the counter. “Pick whatever you like love, I’ll order for the rest of us.”

And he does, which makes Harry smile fondly. Louis remembers Anne’s favorite type of muffin and how she and Gemma take their tea and he rattles it off like it’s nothing. Harry just orders a latte and Louis rolls his eyes before tacking on more food.

“You need to eat something, coffee isn’t going to keep you alive forever,” Louis mutters before smiling and agreeing to sign something for the flustered barista.

“I have an entire study group that would beg to differ,” Harry replies.

Louis just smiles and happily signs the blank receipt paper the barista has ripped off. Harry eyes the baristas who are all staring at Louis, looking him up and down and whispering to one another. It feels like they’re teenagers all over again and Harry’s the baby in way over his head who just wants Louis all to himself.

“Thank you Louis,” the barista giggles. “I love you.”

Louis laughs and thanks her before tugging Harry towards the counter where their drinks are already waiting. He then busies himself with unwinding the scarf from around his neck.

“Isn’t it strange?” Harry asks.

“What’s that, love?”

Harry shrugs. “People just knowing you like that, does it bother you?”

Louis shakes his head. “No, I think it’s nice that they like what I do right now. Everything is sort of shitty right now, it’s nice to know people care a bit.”

“Oh,” Harry says with a small thoughtful frown. “I guess that makes sense.”

Smiling, Louis reaches out and starts to wrap his warm scarf around Harry’s neck. Behind the bar, Harry can hear the girls giggling and _aww_ -ing at them as Louis carefully fusses with the material. Once satisfied, Louis leans in and kisses Harry’s cheek. “Careful,” he whispers. “Someone might think you’re jealous.”

Harry pouts and Louis laughs at him before having Harry help him carry their cups and bags of food. The baristas all chorus a loud goodbye to Louis as they walk out and Harry continues pouting about it, if only to see Louis smile.

Gemma’s awake when they make it back to the room and immediately reaches out for the tea in Louis’ hands when he offers it to her. Anne sighs at Louis in that way she has when she wants to tell him no but can’t.

“Love, I don’t know.”

Louis laughs. “Oh, calm down _Mum,_ it’s only a cuppa.”

The name makes Anne look fit to burst into tears at any moment. Growing up Louis would call her that all the time, mostly to tease her for being so strict with him like now, sometimes just because it slipped out. Harry has said it to Jay hundreds of times, if only because that’s what it felt like.

But still, it’s been so long and Anne looks close to crying just from hearing it again. Louis is too busy helping Gemma move her tubes and iv around to notice that, but he does notice Harry.

“Harold, eat something,” he scolds, without ever once turning around.

Harry’s sure his Mum might just start sobbing right then. She looks at him, eyes sharp and serious, and Harry relents. He knows what she’s going to say and he’s done fighting the fact that that’s what he wants too.

He wants Louis back, he wants Louis home. He wants Louis to be with him, but he that isn’t something he do that all on his own. So Harry nods and turns away from his mum to do as he’s told and eat the sandwich Louis’ bought him.

 

It’s three in the morning and Louis still hasn’t slept.

He’s sitting at Harry’s kitchen table with his head in his hand, on the phone with his management. What started as Louis simply calling Liam to arrange for Gemma’s rent to be paid for the next couple of months and to get his assistant to bring her cat down somehow turned into a conference call about an hour and a half ago. Really, he feels as though he’s been tricked into this. Everyone else is babbling on and on without him and he’s dozing in and out, hardly listening at this point. It’s a perfectly decent hour in Los Angeles, he’s sure, but Louis is exhausted.

“Lou?”

Louis picks his head up and turns towards the sleepy voice. Harry stands in the doorway, his curls sticking up in every direction, pouting like he always does when he wakes up too early. He’s wearing only boxers and Louis’ favorite jumper to fight off the chill in the flat. God, Louis loves him.

“Love, go back to sleep,” Louis whispers, covering his phone so no one on the other end hears.

Harry’s pout only deepens at that. “Why’re you up?” he mumbles, rubbing one of his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper. “Come to bed.”

The boy had gone to bed hours ago now, and Louis had fully intended on finally sleeping in the spare room. Part of him wonders if Harry is awake enough to realize what he’s said, or if he really even means it.

Louis shakes his head sadly. “Love, it’s work.”

“Three in the morning,” Harry grumbles, stepping forward. Louis hardly has the time to jab at the mute button before Harry is grabbing his phone. Surprisingly he has quite good reflexes when half asleep.

Harry holds the phone up to his ear for a moment and scowls. “What’re they on about?”

Louis smiles. “I stopped paying attention to be honest, bird.”

At this, Harry simply shakes his head and hangs up. Louis makes a shocked noise but Harry ignores him in favor of turning the phone off and holding it tightly in his hand when Louis makes a grab for it.

“There,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest like a toddler. “Now, come to bed.”

What Louis really should do is take his phone back and call them all back, blame it on connection issues, and spend another hour or so listening to them talk about nothing. It’s just that Harry looks so inviting, standing there with his sleepy eyes and pouty lower lip. Louis could never resist.

“Okay, love,” Louis sighs. Harry smiles and softly claps his hands together before leading the way to his room.

“Love, are you sure you want me in here?” Louis asks carefully.

“Yes,” Harry groans, dropping down onto the bed as soon as he’s near enough. Louis just smiles fondly and gently moves him around so he’s no longer hanging half off the bed, finally prying the phone out of his fingers and setting it on the bedside table.

Louis lays behind him and Harry pulls Louis’ arm up over his waist. “Wanna be little spoon,” he mumbles.

Louis nods, burying his face in Harry’s curls. “That’s you, love,” he sighs out.

“No one lets me,” Harry whispers, sounding irate. “Says I’m too tall-I’m _not._ I’m not too tall.”

Louis smiles against Harry’s curls and shakes his head. “Baby, try to go back to sleep yeah?”

“I’m not,” he mumbles.

“No matter how tall you get you’ll always be my baby,” Louis whispers, gently brushing a curl over Harry’s ear. He lets his arm settle over Harry’s waist, tugging him closer and pressing his lips to the base of Harry’s neck.

A small sigh spills from Harry’s lips and he settles down against the blankets, curling into Louis’ arms. “Love you,” he mumbles.

It’s so simple, it probably shouldn’t make Louis so upset. Of course it does though, because Louis is a hot mess lately and hearing Harry speak to him just as they used to breaks him. What would have been a completely normal thing four years ago now makes Louis’ heart ache.

“I love you too,” he whispers back. “I love you so much.”

And Harry says nothing in response, just squeezes Louis’ hand and lets out the softest little snore. Louis smiles and closes his eyes, letting himself fall asleep beside Harry.

 

Harry wakes up because Louis is moving out from underneath him and talking to someone.

“You’re a fucking prince Li,” he’s saying. “Want some? Harry has no proper cereal, just some weird healthy shit.”

“I like the weird healthy kind,” a voice replies. Liam, apparently.

“Well you’re disgusting,” Louis’ voice carries from the kitchen. “Is he still asleep?”

The door creaks open and then Liam is whisper shouting, “Yes, now be quiet about it would you?”

Harry is so sure they’re leaving that he just keeps his eyes shut and tries to go back to sleep. Louis is loud, though, and the sounds of him making a bowl of cereal reverberate throughout the kitchen. Soon the door is opening again and Harry is stirring awake a bit as he feels a hand in his hair.

“Lou, we should probably go out to the kitchen. I don’t want to wake him,” Liam whispers.

Louis hums and scratches Harry’s scalp lightly. “He’s a pretty sound sleeper, don’t worry about it. Isn’t he pretty, though?”

The words have Harry wanting to turn his face against the mattress and hide, but somehow he resists. Louis crawls back into bed beside him, sinking his hand back in Harry’s curls.

Liam coughs awkwardly. “I mean, I guess-for a guy I don’t-he isn’t _not_ pretty I mean-”

Louis laughs. “Alright, stop, I haven’t got time for your sexuality crisis today.”

“It isn’t a crisis,” Liam defends. “I like girls.”

“Mm, and men as well. Or at least just the one I caught you snogging at the clubs last week.”

Across the room, Harry can hear Liam sputtering through whatever it is he’s drinking. “Louis!” he says, obviously panicked. “We don’t-I was drunk. Sophia had just broken up with me and I was emotional.”

“Whatever you say, love,” Louis chuckles.

They both go quiet again and Harry can hear Louis eating his cereal. Not once does Louis pull his hand from Harry’s curls, and not once does Harry reveal he’s awake, worried that if he does it will somehow break the spell.

What he did last night was stupid, but it was how he’s truly felt this whole time. He wants things to be like how they were before, he wants Louis back. They’ve changed now though, Louis especially has changed.

“How’d you know you were gay?” Liam blurts out.

Louis moves alongside Harry and he can hear a bowl being set down on the bedside table. Carefully, Louis settles back beside Harry and gently curls his fingers around the stray hairs at the nape of Harry’s neck.

“Don’t suppose I ever just realized it,” he says. “I always knew it, I never had crushes on girls like everyone else did. Plus, it was always Harry for me-not that I knew that exactly as a kid, but he was the only serious crush I ever had. Well, there was him and David Beckham, but I didn’t linger on that one too much.”

There’s a pause and then Liam is saying, “I guess he is quite pretty.”

Louis’ hand tightens in Harry’s hair. “He’s beautiful, and he’s mine. Don’t go getting any ideas Payno, there’ll be no sexuality crisis with my boy.”

Liam coughs so loud that Harry even stirs a bit. “What? No I didn’t mean-god Louis, you really are such an arse sometimes.”

Suddenly Louis is giggling hysterically, his hold on Harry gently loosening. “Maybe we’ll just have to find you a nice bloke,” he says. “My mate’s just left his girlfriend, but he’s bisexual so no crisis there.”

Liam groans. “I hate you.”

Apparently, Louis takes this an invitation to continue on. “He’s quite pretty as well, and we had a thing for awhile there. It’d be a bit like sleeping with me.”

Liam starts coughing again and it almost sounds like he’s choking. “Louis what the fuck?” he demands, though he sounds like he’s laughing a bit. “That’s disgusting, you’re like my brother. I don’t want to sleep with you at all, let alone through someone else.”

“I’ll text him your number,” Louis says. “I do know how to pick them love, he’s the only one I don’t completely regret.”

“Yeah? What about that one?”

In an instant Harry can feel Louis go stiff. “Don’t talk about Harry that way,” he says coldly, any trace of humor now gone. “No one has ever meant what he does to me. Everyone I was with was just my stupid attempts at getting over him.”

“I’m just kidding Louis,” Liam says, his voice going soft. “Anyone with eyes can see how much you love him. I’m happy for you, you know? It’s been really fucking awful seeing you so out of it all the time like something was missing. I guess that’s him.”

Louis sighs and Harry feels soft fingertips brushing over his cheek and nose. “Of course it is. He’s my boy.”

Harry can’t take it anymore. He sighs and moves his face towards Louis’ fingers, craning his neck up and chasing his touch. Louis laughs at him and stops, leaning down instead to press a soft kiss to his temple.

“Morning, little bird,” he murmurs.

Blinking his eyes open, Louis slowly comes into focus. He’s just as gorgeous as ever, which is certainly unfair.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry can see Liam quietly leaving. He pouts.

“Why’s he here.”

“He brought me proper cereal,” Louis explains, leaning back against the headboard. “I woke up and you didn’t have shit to eat. We need to shop. Stop scowling babe, there’s no need to be jealous.”

Harry rolls his eyes but doesn’t stop pouting. “M’not jealous.”

Louis smirks. “Of course you aren’t,” he teases. “How much of that did you hear, exactly?”

“Enough,” he replies quite petulantly.

Laughing, Louis leans down again and kisses Harry’s forehead. “Pouting gets you nowhere, when will you learn?”

“It always works,” Harry shoots back.

Louis smiles but doesn’t reply to that. “Get up and dressed, you need proper food. I don’t even want to know what you have been eating, if you do at all.”

“I do eat, I’ve just been busy lately,” he says.

Louis shakes his head. “That’s not an excuse. You used to love to cook, remember? And baking, especially when you were stressed out, baby.”

Smiling, Harry shakes his head. “We can go shopping and pick up stuff to make your favorite biscuits.”

“You’re a peach,” Louis says. He then rolls himself out of bed and stretches his arms upwards.

He’s wearing nothing but one of Harry’s old t-shirts and a pair of boxers. Part of Harry loves seeing Louis this way, and part of him hates knowing Liam is seeing him this way. He hates that anyone else ever has.

“Harry Styles,” Louis gasps as he bends down to search through his suitcase that he’s apparently brought to Harry’s room. “Are you staring at my bum?”

Harry smiles and shrugs. “Could be.”

Laughing, Louis shakes his bum a bit before finding a pair of skinny jeans to pull on. He hops around in them a bit to get them up enough to button them and rolls his eyes at the way Harry laughs at him. Instead of changing his shirt, Louis just adjusts the one he’s already wearing and raises an eyebrow at Harry.

“Well? Get your kit on Styles, I haven’t got all day.”

With that, he pads out of the room yelling Liam’s name, asking if he’s brought the car.

Harry gets out of bed and picks his favorite jeans out of his wardrobe. He’s about to go searching for a shirt when he trips over Louis’ overflowing suitcase. Sitting at the very top is a blue jumper he’d seen Louis wear the day before.

It isn’t terribly small, but the sleeves are just short enough to look strange on him. Harry pushes them up to his elbows and runs a hand through his hair. Lately he hasn’t really bothered with what he looks like, but now that Louis’ back he suddenly finds himself caring again. The fact that Louis has seen him at his absolute worst so many times over doesn’t really seem to click with him.

When he walks into his living room, he finds Liam draped over Louis’ back while both of them laugh at something on Louis’ phone.

“I told you he’s quite gorgeous,” Louis says.

“He’s got green hair,” Liam laughs. “Louis, I’m not having my crisis with a boy who has green hair.”

Louis shakes his head and Liam moves his chin to rest on Louis’ shoulder. “He’s got regular hair now, it was just a phase I swear. C’mon, look at him. Harry love, come and look at the man I’ve picked for Liam.”

Harry walks over but finds he’s more interested in the way Liam has his hands on Louis’ waist than the picture. “He’s alright,” he lies, because it’s quite obvious whoever it is is beautiful.

Liam laughs and pats Louis’ bum. “You’re a meddling twit, Tommo. Car’s out front if we’re ready.”

“I’m ready as long as Hazza is,” Louis says, reaching out to tug on Harry’s elbow.

With a half hidden smile, Harry lets himself be pulled close to Louis’ side. They walk out together, Liam leading the way out of Harry’s building.

The giant black Range Rover parked outside sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s mostly students who live in the building, and the cars that dot the carpark and all old and sort of beat up. Hell, Harry’s own car belonged to Gemma at some point and has growing rust marks all over the body of it. Harry stops walking for a moment when he spots it and just stares at it in awe.

Louis moves behind him and practically presses his mouth to Harry’s skin when he asks, “Do you like it?”

Harry nods and Louis smiles, as if Harry’s approval was what he really needed.

“Thought you might. Maybe I’ll let you drive it later on, what do you think? Do you remember…”

Louis trails off and Harry does. He remembers Louis spending weeks teaching him to drive so patiently, going over every little detail with him, even letting Harry use his car to take the test in. Of course he remembers the ride home that day, Harry and Louis shouting at the top of their lungs to the songs on the radio as Harry drove a bit too fast. He remembers parking in some nondescript place that he sometimes heard the other guys at school talking about and making out with Louis in the backseat for what felt like hours.

Without thinking, Harry turns and pulls Louis into a tight hug. It just hits him sometimes, these memories, like a punch to his gut. But it’s different now because Louis is here and he isn’t alone anymore.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers.

Louis breathes out heavily against Harry’s neck and squeezes him back. “I missed you too, love,” he whispers. “Now come on, you need food. I can’t have you starving to death on my watch, Anne would never forgive me.”

Harry nods and squeezes his arms around Louis’ waist once more before finally letting go. Louis smiles at him and gestures towards the passenger door.

The car is a tip, with random bottles and empty bags from fast food restaurants littering the floor, and the upholstery smells faintly of pot. It’s exactly like the car Louis’ had as a teenager, just far more expensive. Liam smiles at Harry from the backseat and throws his feet up on the center console.

Louis hops in and peels out before Liam and Harry can even get their seat belts on properly. He only slows down a bit as he reaches the main road, but not by much.

“You’re going to get arrested and guess who isn’t coming to bail you out?” Liam yells at him.

Louis rolls his eyes. “Piss off Liam, you’re such a nag.”

Liam scoffs but sits back in his seat anyway. Harry bites down on a smile and stays quiet while the two of them bicker the entire way to Liam’s hotel. He isn’t really sure what it is that they’re bickering about, something to do with someone Louis knows back in London and radio shows. He mostly stays quiet and stares at Louis.

It’s strange seeing him so into working, Harry thinks. All he ever seemed to care about their entire lives was music, he never was able to hold a job down longer than a few months just because he was so restless and would rather sit at home recording demos. But sitting here now, listening to him talking to Liam about contract negotiations is both out of character and honestly extremely attractive. It’s strange, but nice as well to see Louis finally doing something that he is so passionately about.

Louis parks haphazardly in front of the hotel and unlocks the door, announcing, “Right Liam, you can go now”

Liam rolls his eyes. “You can’t avoid it all forever,” he mutters.

“Goodbye Lima,” Louis says quite loudly.

Groaning, Liam opens the door and nods to Harry. “Good luck with him,” he says.

“Well,” Harry says, once they’re back on the road going towards the shops. “You two get on.”

Louis smiles and shakes his head. “He’s like my brother, honestly. Neither of us mean any harm by it, I love him really.”

“Mm,” Harry hums. “Brothers?”

“Christ Styles, why are you so convinced I’ve slept with him?”

Sinking in his seat, Harry shrugs. “He just seems like your type, is all. Very muscular.”

Louis chokes out a laugh. “Since when have muscles been my _type_? You looked like a ball of dough and sunshine growing up, I still liked you.”

Harry scoffs and subconsciously rubs at his forearms. “Excuse you, I have muscles now. I work out and everything.”

“How lovely for you and all of your conquests, I’m sure,” Louis says quite bitterly.

His tone makes Harry smile. “Plenty of people love my muscles,” he says while Louis parks somewhat sideways outside of the Sainsbury's. “They get me all the guys.”

“That’s far more than I wanted to know,” Louis says, and with that he gets out of the car.

Harry smiles to himself gets out as well, following him inside. Louis gets a cart, which is what first starts to worry him. He thought they were just stopping by to grab a few essentials, but Louis seems set against that.

“We need tea,” Louis announces.

Harry frowns as he slowly sees where this is going. “Louis, you aren’t buying me groceries.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you love,” Louis says, pausing in front of the baking aisle for a moment. He looks over the boxes thoughtfully and then says, “We should bake your poor mother a cake or something, no one appreciates her.”

Harry snorts, moving past him to pick out a boxed cake that looks easy enough for Louis to make before gathering what he’ll need for biscuits. “We all appreciate her, Louis,” he says. “Just because you’re her favorite doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate her.”

Louis smiles. “I am her favorite aren’t I? Suppose it’s only fair, considering.”

Harry nudges Louis so he’ll start walking again. “Considering what?” he asks.

“Considering you’re my mum’s favorite,” Louis says, and in an instant all the humor in his voice is gone. “You’re the son she really wanted.”

They stop in front of the tea and Louis pretends to be quite interested in the labels all of a sudden. His words have Harry frowning, his heart aching with sadness for the boy he loves more than anything in the world.

“Lou, don’t say that,” he whispers.

“Isn’t it true?” Louis asks, finally picking a couple of boxes out and tossing them into the cart. He refuses to meet Harry’s eyes when he speaks. “You’re perfect aren’t you, never got into any trouble, just months away from a law degree, so smart and beautiful. What have I done? Currently drinking myself into an early grave and the last serious boyfriend I had left me for a model. Figures, yeah?”

Harry shakes his head immediately. “Your mum loves you, Louis.”

“I’m a bit of a disappointment. She has to love me Harry, that doesn’t mean she wants to.”

There’s nothing Harry can think to say to that. Part of him is angry on Jay’s behalf, so angry that Louis could ever say something like that about her. The other half of him is terribly upset that Louis really thinks these things about himself, it almost makes him want to cry.

They walk together silently through the aisles for awhile, each of them picking out the things Harry’s kitchen are sorely lacking. Finally, Harry says, “Do you know how much your mother misses you? Your birthday is the worst day of the year, Louis, she spends it in tears. Any mention of you has her freezing up because you never answer her fucking calls and all she wants is to know that you’re okay. Your mother misses you so fucking much Louis, you’re her child and she loves you more than anything. Don’t ever talk that way about her again.”

Louis sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not trying to put her down, Haz, it’s me. I’m the shit one.”

 “Well you aren’t being nice either,” Harry mutters. “We don’t need that many bags of crisps Lou.”

“Do so,” Louis says, taking another bag down just to prove a point. He then braces his hands on the cart for a moment and sighs. “Harry, love, it’s complicated. I know that I’m not a good person, I don’t like myself anymore. I couldn’t after what I’ve done to you and everyone else.”

“Well you should,” Harry says quite seriously. “Like yourself, I mean. You’re a wonderful person, just because you’ve made a few mistakes doesn’t negate the fact that you really are a good person at heart. You know that what you did was wrong, you’ve apologized and we’re forgiving you. We all want you back-all of us do Louis, but especially me.”

Louis smiles sadly. “I’m trying love, really, but it’s a lot harder than it seems.”

Harry nods and moves closer to Louis, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Okay,” he whispers. “But you should know that I think you’re a good person, and that I love you still. I always will.”

Louis kisses Harry’s temple and keeps moving. “C’mon love,” he sighs. “We need chocolate.”

Harry just rolls his eyes and follows.

 

The next morning finds Louis laying half-asleep in Harry’s bed, the other boy spread out across his chest with his mouth hanging slightly open. Louis had tried to sleep in his own bed the night before, mostly for appearances, but found himself tugged and pouted at by Harry just at the suggestion.

Louis smiles softly and winds one of his fingers in the springy curls at the base of Harry’s neck. “Little love,” he whispers.

Harry screws his face up for a moment before settling into a pout. “Mm,” he mumbles.

“Baby,” Louis tries again, leaning a bit closer to Harry’s ear when he whispers.

“Louis,” Harry whines back. “Leave me alone.”

Laughing, Louis gently brushes Harry’s curls away from his face. “You have to get off me, love,” he whispers, hating the idea himself. “I have a meeting, they’re calling any minute.”

Harry shakes his head and wraps his arm tighter around Louis’, fitting his hand around Louis’ side. “Stay,” he mutters.

Really, Louis should insist Harry let him go, but he doesn’t like that idea much either. It probably isn’t very professional to have a meeting with a half-naked Harry laying on his chest, but Louis doesn’t have the heart to move him.

“You’ll have to be quiet, though,” Louis tells him, gently nudging Harry’s nose with one knuckle. “No snoring, little bird.”

Harry wiggles his nose and pulls away from Louis’ hand, still holding on tightly. “Don’t snore,” he mumbles.

“You do snore, love,” Louis laughs. He reaches out for his phone and rests it on the pillow beside him, waiting for the call.

“You snore,” Harry shoots back quietly. He falls asleep again just like that. Louis just rolls his eyes and rests his hand in Harry’s hair while he waits.

Minutes later, his phone rings. It’s a conference call between Liam, a couple of his assistants, and managers for his record label. After trading pleasantries, they delve into talking about boring things like numbers and sales, and really it’s not Louis’ fault that he gets lost in the sleeping boy in his arms.

“Louis?” Liam says, finally catching his attention. “Are you there?”

“Mm,” Louis sighs. “Sorry, I’m here, I’m listening. Projected sales, yeah?”

“Yeah Lou,” Liam says softly. “We can wrap this up, I know you’re probably busy.”

Louis shakes his head, though that’s what he wants right now more than anything. “No, it’s okay.”

One of the people on the other line clears her throat. “Speaking of,” she says softly. “How are we going to proceed with this? People are starting to ask questions Louis, you’ve been away quite awhile now, you’ve missed a few appearances.”

“Can’t we have Liam whip up a press release or something?” he suggests. “Two of my sisters were hurt, I think that should give me some time off.”

“She’s really your sister?” Someone asks.

The call goes deathly quiet. Louis is pretty sure he can feel Liam tensing up from somewhere off in his hotel, rightfully so.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Louis asks, trying not to sound as pissed off as he is.

Whoever it is suddenly sounds terrified. “I just meant-well, there’s been some people saying-”

Louis frowns. “Fuck what people are saying, because this is what I’m telling you,” he says coldly. “She’s my sister, and this is my family. I’m staying here until I feel that I can leave again, and that’s it. No discussion.”

Below him, Harry blinks his eyes open and frowns. “Lou?” he mumbles softly.

“Shh,” Louis says quietly. “One second, babes.”

“Sorry?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Is there anything other than something Liam can handle that you need me for right now? I have to go.”

“No Lou,” Liam says quickly. “I’ll text you. Go on.”

Louis nods and says his goodbyes before hanging up. He tosses his phone to the other side of the bed and shuts his eyes.

Harry moves and Louis can feel him sitting up, resting one large hand across Louis’ chest. “Are you okay?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Louis sighs. “I’ll be fine.

Quietly, Harry moves above Louis and gently presses a kiss to Louis’ forehead. Louis smiles and he can feel Harry doing the same.

“I love you,” Louis whispers, blinking his eyes open.

He’s greeted with the positively lovely sight of Harry, still soft from sleep and blushing. “I love you too,” he whispers back.

Grinning, Louis sits up and pulls Harry to his chest. Harry smiles and goes willingly into his arms, resting his head against Louis’ collarbone.

“You hungry, babe?” Louis asks.

Harry yawns. “Yeah. We have to get the kids.”

“We do,” Louis agrees, kissing the top of Harry’s head simply because he can. “I’ll take you out to breakfast after.”

Harry nods and pulls himself away from Louis’ arms to get dressed. Louis follows after him, and they’re both soon heading out and sleepily getting into Louis’ car.

They pick up the kids from Louis’ mum’s house, which sufficiently wakes Harry up. He blinks his tired eyes at them and listens intently to the stories they tell him, commenting on Doris’ new hair bows and commiserating with Daisy over how stupid crushes are.

Without thinking, Louis reaches out and takes his hand. Harry stops talking mid-sentence and looks at him. He smiles, squeezes Louis’ hand, and returns to the conversation.

After dropping the kids off at school, Louis heads to a little cafe nearby. He isn’t sure why, but he’s feeling particularly clingy this morning so he keeps one arm around Harry’s waist the entire time. Louis leads him into the restaurant and towards a little booth in the back where they won’t be disturbed. A bored looking waitress drops menus to them as she walks by and Louis starts to look over it.

“What was the meeting about?” Harry asks.

Louis waves his hand and sighs. “Liam’s working out a break for me, but there’s a ton of shit that has to be handled first. Record sales, money, just stupid things.”

Harry smiles over his menu. “I wish money was a stupid thing,” he teases. “I think I might kill for a few thousand right now. A million, perhaps.”

Trying his best to seem uninterested, Louis keeps his eyes on the menu. “Anything in particular you’re planning to spend it on? Thinking about becoming a sugar daddy?”

Harry snorts and shakes his head. “I wish,” he laughs, looking down at the menu once more. “It’s just uni, that’s all. It’s kicking my arse, and I know I’ll be able to pay it off someday, but it still haunts me. Besides that, I work on campus for rent and I haven’t been to work in-quite awhile now, actually. God, I really don’t want to think about that.”

Louis frowns at that and wonders for a moment whether or not Anne would know the number to Harry’s landlord. She had Gemma’s and handed it over quite easily, though she didn’t know what Louis’ intentions were.

“Yeah?” he asks, still trying to sound neutral.

“It’s just stressful. Maybe I should get a sugar daddy,” Harry says, his tone deadly serious. “I have a friend who’s on this dating site where these guys-”

Louis is pretty sure he sees red for a moment. “Absolutely not,” he interrupts sharply.

Harry pouts at him, his wobbling lower lip in full effect. “But Lou,”

“No fucking way.”

Even though Louis knows that Harry’s only teasing him, his heart is beating faster. He clenches his hands into fists under the table, nails biting into his palms. Louis hates the thought of anyone using his boy like that. It’s not like Louis would ever get involved in that sort of thing, but he’s seen it happen, he knows how those men are. Louis takes care of Harry-that’s how it’s always been. If Harry needs anything, it’ll be Louis who takes care of it, not some creep from the internet.

“Why not?” Harry asks, still pouting. Sometimes Louis really hates him.

“Because, I won’t let you,” he replies. “I know those men, I know their type and what it is they’d like to do to you. Trust me when I say that you aren’t interested.”

Harry smiles slyly and leans over the table just to whisper, “Who’s to say I’m not interested, Tomlinson? What is it they’d do to me?”

Louis is about to stutter out a half-assed reply when the waitress returns. She takes their orders quietly, all while Harry is barely containing his laughter.

The moment she walks away, Harry’s kicking Louis’ gently under the table. “I can do what I want,” he says.

“I’m not saying you can’t,” Louis tells him. “I’m saying that you know I only want what’s best for you, and you take that into account don’t you little one?”

Harry scoffs, but Louis can see the way he’s trying to hide his smile. “You think I worry that much about what you think?”

Louis smiles. “I know you do. If you need money that bad, I’ll write you a check.”

In an instant, Harry’s expression turns serious. “I was joking Lou, don’t do that.”

“Why not?” Louis wonders, taking a sip of the coffee the waitress has dropped off for him. “You want to get yourself a sugar daddy, why not me?”

“Because,” Harry says, blushing deep red. “Just-shut up, I’m only joking. Why do you always feel the need to embarrass me?”

Louis shrugs. “Because you blush so easily baby,” he teases. “You know I’m telling the truth, yeah?”

Harry shakes his head and busies himself pouring sugar in his tea. “I know, that’s why I’m upset with you. I’m not taking your money.”

“Why not? What good is it doing me?”

“You need it,” Harry says, stubborn as ever.

Louis rolls his eyes and sits back in his chair. “I have more money than I’d ever need. You need it more than I do. I have the money to get you to a good place love, so you don’t have to worry over debt.”

“No. It’s my debt and my education. I’ll pay for it,” Harry stops for a moment and looks down at his hands, quite obviously deep in thought. “I’m an adult-a grown adult, I don’t need you to protect me and fix all of my problems for me anymore. I need to grow up and learn to fix my own problems, Lou.”

Louis frowns and reaches across the table, laying his hand on top of Harry’s. “I only want to take care of you, that’s all.”

Harry sighs but doesn’t move his hand from Louis. “You don’t need to take care of me.”

“Says who?” Louis challenges. “Haven’t I always?”

“Shut up, Lou,” Harry replies.

Smiling, Louis squeezes Harry’s fingers once more before letting go. He’ll make a quick call to Anne later on.

The waitress shows up again and sets out their plates in front of them. Louis waits until she’s gone and Harry seems quite invested in his pancakes to bring up the subject weighing on his mind recently.

“Love,” he starts.

Harry hums, looking up at him for a moment.

“Shouldn’t you be heading back to school soon?” Louis asks carefully.

Across the table, Harry’s face falls. He quickly busies himself cutting his pancakes into little triangles before he says anything.

“I’ve told my professors what’s going on,” he says. “They’re letting me take a little while on my next few assignments.”

Louis sighs. “I still think you should be going back, baby. I talked to Liam about it last night, we’re putting everything of mine on hold for right now. That’s what the meeting was about, really. That break is happening sooner rather than later.”

Harry frowns. “Why?”

“So I can be here to take care of all of you,” Louis says. “So you can go back to school and not worry so much about who’s taking care of everyone else. You forget how well I know you Harry, you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“But what about you?”

Louis smiles. “I need a bit of a break too,” he admits. “I don’t want you getting any further behind than you are now, not when you’re so close to finishing. You’ve worked so hard for this, let me help you. Go back, please.”

Harry sighs and nods. “Okay. I’ll go back tomorrow. Happy?”

“Very,” Louis replies. “Now eat your breakfast, love.”

 

The first day back at uni after so many days away feels odd. Harry feels out of place and terribly lost even. He’s so far behind, further than he thought he was going to be, and he spends a lot of his day in the back of lecture halls staring at his useless notes. He spends his entire shift at the library sitting at the front desk, frantically flipping through textbooks and notes from his classmates.

What only makes things worse is that he cannot stop thinking about Louis. He should be freaking out about how much he’s missed and how on earth he’s going to catch up in time for exams, but Louis is always at the forefront of his mind. It feels like being sixteen all over again, daydreaming in class about Louis instead of paying attention.

Before Harry realizes what’s going on, everyone in the room is filing out and leaving him behind. Harry checks his watch and realizes he’s spaced out for the entirety of his last class. Sighing in defeat, he gathers his books up and heads outside to meet up with Louis again. They have big plans tonight, mostly involving Harry crying over how much work he’s missed and watching a film.

Harry’s walking towards the parking lot when he hears someone calling his name.

“Harry? Harry, wait!”

Of course he recognizes the voice immediately. Harry stops and turns to find Niall standing on the sidewalk a few steps behind him. He smiles sadly and in an instant Niall is rushing up to him.

“Fuck,” he whispers, pulling Harry into a hug. “You had me so fucking worried, H. Answer your goddamn phone next time, you cunt.”

Harry smiles, realizing suddenly how much he’s missed Niall. “I’m okay Ni,” he says.

“It isn’t even you I’m worried about,” Niall shoots back, pulling away so he can run his hands over Harry’s shoulders. “I heard about Gemma. Is she okay? Are you okay?”

Harry nods, readjusting the strap of his backpack nervously. “It was Lottie too,” he says, just because that was something Niall never seem to understand.

Most people don’t, he’s found, but Niall really never seemed okay with how close Harry was with his ex-boyfriend’s family. He thinks that it made the other man nervous, which he of course had every right to be. After all, Harry supposes you don’t normally introduce your boyfriend to your mother and your ex-boyfriend’s mother at the same time. Or at all.

“Jesus,” Niall sighs. “How are they? I heard it was a nasty crash.”

Harry winces at that. It’s gotten a lot of coverage, the crash, mostly because of Louis. When word got out that his sister was involved in a car crash and that’s why he’d practically disappeared off the face of the earth, it didn’t take long for people to put the pieces together. Even at school, Harry got looks from friends he’s had forever as they slowly realized the childhood best friend he so often laughed about was _the_ Louis Tomlinson. One of his coworkers at the library seemed stunned by it all and pointed out a picture she found somewhere of the two of them at that cafe a few days before, one where Louis was holding him by the scarf around his neck and kissing his cheek. He didn’t reply when she asked what exactly was going on.

That isn’t what bothers Harry, really. People have found out about his connection to Louis before, it isn’t hard really considering how intertwined their lives are, but he doesn’t mind. What he does mind is having to see over and over again the pictures of Gemma’s car, mangled beyond belief, and remembering that he could have lost them. It makes tears well up in his eyes all over again.

“Lottie’s okay, just a broken bone and a concussion. Gemma was driving, she got the most of it. She’s still in the hospital.”

Niall shakes his head and reaches out to run his hand through Harry’s hair like he always used to do. “Babe, I’m so sorry,” he says. “You know that-god, Harry, even though we didn’t work out you know that I still care about you, yeah? Because I do, so much.”

Harry smiles softly and remembers for a moment why Niall was so good for him. “Yeah, I know. Of course I do, Ni.”

“Christ,” Niall mutters, pulling Harry in for another hug. “You had me frantic. Henry didn’t know shit about it, he said you’d kicked him out. No one else knew where you were, you weren’t in class or at the library.”

“Ni,” Harry whispers. “I’m okay.”

Niall nods and pulls away once more. It looks like he’s about to say something else when his smile falls. Harry is about to ask what’s wrong when Niall answers it for him.

“That’s him, isn’t it?’

Harry frowns and turns around. Sure enough, there’s Louis slowly walking from his car up to them. “Oh god,” he says. “Yeah, fuck.”

Fidgeting a bit, Niall tilts his head back towards the school. “Well, I should probably be going.”

The betrayal in his voice is too much. They didn’t work out, but Harry doesn’t want to lose Niall. He doesn’t want Niall to think that the moment they broke up Harry went running off to Louis, because he didn’t. What they had always meant more than that to him.

“Ni please,” Harry begs. “It isn’t like that. They’re his family too-we’re talking it out.”

He reaches out, just barely grabbing Niall’s hand before the older lad pulls away.

“I always knew H,” Niall says, a small and sad smile on his face. “You don’t have to feel bad for it-I knew what I was to you.”

Harry’s eyes widen. “No-”

Before he can make his excuses, Louis announces himself quite loudly by saying, “Love, you’ll catch your death out here.”

He wraps his arm around Harry’s waist and Niall takes a large step backwards. Louis leans so his shoulder is against Harry’s and raises an eyebrow at Niall.

“Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Louis.”

Niall laughs and nods. “Yeah mate, I know who you are,” he replies, still smiling that somber smile that breaks Harry’s heart. “It’s nice meeting you Louis, but I have to go.”

“Ni, please wait,” Harry whispers, one last time.

“It’s okay, Harry. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Without waiting for an answer, Niall turns and walks away. Harry watches him go for a moment before shaking his head and pulling away from Louis. He storms off to the car, ignoring the way Louis calls out his name with a sigh and follows. Part of Harry sort of wants to find a different way home, but he knows that’s stupid. He gets into the passenger seat of Louis’ massive car and slams the door shut behind him, crossing hi arms over his chest and focusing on staring straight ahead.

“Babe,” Louis says, once he’s finally caught up. “What the hell was that?”

Harry rolls his eyes and huffs. “Oh fuck off Louis, like you don’t know.”

“I _don_ _’t_ know,” Louis shoots back. He gets in behind the wheel but doesn’t start the car just yet, instead deciding to stare at Harry. “Love, tell me what I’ve gone wrong.”

Harry scoffs. “You came out there because you got jealous when we were hugging. I was trying to talk to him and you had to come over and scare him off.”

“Who was it?” Louis asks. “Love, I was headed over anyway. You were just standing there for awhile, I was a bit worried you’d finally lost it before I saw your friend.”

Glancing over, Harry finds Louis staring at him. He doesn’t look like he’s lying, but Harry is still pretty suspicious.

“Niall,” he says. “That was Niall, my ex-boyfriend.”

Louis frowns. “The one who doesn’t like Anne?”

Despite how upset he is, Harry still smiles. “Is that really your main concern?”

“I don’t like anyone who doesn’t like Anne,” Louis says.

Harry shakes his head and leans his body against the door. “You don’t like anyone I once dated, I’m sure.”

“Can you really blame me?” Louis asks, finally starting the car again. He cranks the heat up and points the vents at Harry. Harry didn’t notice how cold he was until right then. “I mean, don’t you feel the same even a bit?”

Of course Harry feels the same, but it was a thousand times worse for him. Louis could distance himself, it was easy for him to disappear and avoid any thoughts or pictures of Harry. Harry, on the other hand, could never seem to escape Louis.

His voice was on the radio, the songs he’d written about Harry found their ways into commercials and movies. Louis face was on magazines and t-shirts and all over the internet. To Harry, it felt like he could hardly go a few days without hearing about Louis Tomlinson and his newest conquest.

“Maybe,” is what Harry says though, because Louis doesn’t need to know all that.

Louis sighs and drums his fingers on the steering wheel. His jaw is tense and Harry knows he’s jealous. It’s probably awful of him to enjoy that.

“Was he good to you, at least?” Louis finally asks.

“Good to me,” Harry muses.

Louis nods quite seriously. “Treated you well, I mean, like you deserve. No need for me to go after him?”

That makes Harry laugh. The thought of Louis _going after_ anyone, especially Niall, is a bit ridiculous.

Harry shakes his head. “He was always good to me, Lou. It just never would’ve worked out, I don’t think it was meant to. We’re better off as friends, there are a lot of things we disagree on.”

“Like what?”

Harry shrugs, looking down at his hands once again. It’s been a few weeks since he broke it off with Niall, long enough to think over exactly what it was about them that didn’t work.

“He doesn’t ever want kids and I don’t see him budging on it. Not that there’s anything wrong with not wanting kids, but I’m almost done with school Lou, I want to start my life. I want to have a family with someone, I want a house and babies and maybe a dog or something-that’s really what I’ve been working towards all this time. I want a career and a family. Niall wants a career and to party for days, drink all night, and never commit fully to anything. Most of his family is off in Ireland and they’ve never been close like we are, he never understood that. There were little things too, little things that were just magnified by the situation, but we both knew it would never work out.”

What Harry pointedly leaves out is the amount of fights he and Niall had over Louis. Really, most of their fighting was about Louis, about how Niall could never live up to those ridiculous expectations. They usually ended with Harry in tears, apologizing over and over again, and Niall yelling that he wasn’t Louis and he never would be.

The thing is, Harry and Louis were always on the same page when it came to important things. They knew what they wanted from each other, what they wanted to achieve, and before they broke up Harry was sure he was with the person he’d spend the rest of his life with. It never felt that way with Niall, as hard as they tried to force it, and Harry has always felt guilty for that.

“I’m sorry baby,” Louis whispers, sounding sincere. “Was it recent?”

Harry shrugs. “A little over a month ago,” he murmurs. “Mum was ecstatic.”

Louis laughs. “I take it they didn’t get along, then.”

“About as well as you’d expect,” Harry replies. “Mum doesn’t like anyone that isn’t you.”

As usual, Louis looks proud of this fact. “Well, what can I say? I’m quite a lot to live up to, Styles.”

And even though he agrees wholeheartedly, Harry still groans and rolls his eyes. “She doesn’t like anyone, Louis. I brought a guy to the twin’s birthday party last year and you would’ve thought he was a convicted criminal instead of a fucking law school graduate. Honestly, Jay is the only who really gives them a chance, but even then guys don’t seem to love the fact that they have to impress my ex’s mother as well as my own.”

“That is pretty intimidating,” Louis admits. He reaches across the car and gently squeezes Harry’s knee. “I’m sorry, baby. I know that’s my fault.”

Harry nods. “It’s true. I mean, you had an entire lifetime to make Mum love you. Niall got about two seconds before she made up her mind on him. She keeps insisting that she can just tell straight away whether or not someone is good for me.”

Gently, Louis lets go of Harry’s knee and turns his hand palm up in invitation. Harry quickly takes it, intertwining their fingers as Louis speaks.

“You’re her baby, love. She only wants what’s best for you.”

Harry shakes his head. “I’m not a baby anymore,” he says, something he’s told his mother thousands of times by now. “I’m a grown adult and I can make decisions for myself about what’s best for me and what isn’t.”

They both go quiet, but Louis doesn’t let go of Harry’s hand. He holds on tight the whole way back to the flat, gently sweeping his thumb over Harry’s knuckles every few minutes. It isn’t until they’re parked outside of Harry’s flat that Louis finally speaks.

“If you want time to be alone to talk to Niall, I can go,” he says.

Harry sighs and shakes his head. “No, I think I’m going to try again tomorrow at school. We have a class together, he won’t be able to run from me. I need to apologize for the way I ended things.”

Louis nods and turns the car off, reluctantly letting go of Harry’s hand so they can get out. He leads the way up to Harry’s flat, confidently taking the keys from Harry’s hands to open the door once they get there.

While Harry drops his bag off in his room, Louis sits down on the sofa. He’s still sitting there when Harry comes back, biting his lower lip, obviously quite deep in thought. Harry decides to sit beside him, but he remains silent.

“I don’t want you to ever feel obligated to be with me,” Louis blurts out suddenly. “Because I think you’re right, Harry, you were right when you said we didn’t know any better. You were always it for me, my first love, my only love, but that doesn’t mean I’m _your_ only love. It was never fair to assume you would always want to be with me no matter what I put you through and I’m so sorry.”

Harry tries to stop him, tries to say that it’s okay, but Louis ignores him.

“You should never feel forced to love me,” he continues. “Just because it’s what our meddling family wants, just because we were together for so long-Harry, you are your own person. Whatever it is you decide you want out of life, I’m going to be right there to support you in it. Even…even if that means I have to sit by and watch you be with someone else. I would do it, Harry, because I care about your happiness more than anything else. If you’re happy, that’s what matters to me. We’re best friends first above all else, I guess is what I’m trying to say, and I want to support you. I think I forgot that somewhere along the way and I’m so sorry. I took what we had for granted, I took you for granted.”

Harry is at a loss for words. He doesn’t know what to say, he isn’t even entirely sure what it is that Louis is trying to say to him.

It brings Harry back, inexplicably, to the night they broke up. Louis had just come home from being away in London for the weekend again, recording a demo, and Harry was frustrated. They hadn’t spoken in days and Louis came home drunk that night, ranting on and on about his new friends and recording studios and shit Harry couldn’t care less about. Not once did he mention the many texts and calls from Harry he had ignored. Not once did he ask how Harry was feeling in the wake of all of the exams he was taking.

The person Harry loved seemed gone, replaced by this drunken asshole who refused to keep a job, let alone stay home for more than a few days with his boyfriend.

“Baby please,” Harry had said, giving him one last chance. “I’ve got a really big exam tomorrow, I’m so stressed out and I just need you. Can’t we just go to bed? I’ve missed you so much lately, I just want to be held right now.”

And for a moment Louis had looked as though he might say yes. Who knows what would’ve happened if he had, maybe Harry would have snapped the next day or the day after that, maybe he would’ve continued living that way, completely unhappy. Louis was drunk more often than not, he was rude to his family, he was neglecting Harry for a dream that seemed to grow more hopeless by the day, and yet Harry still loved him. He loved his boyfriend, all he wanted was to be with Louis.

Until, of course, Louis had stood up and kissed Harry on the forehead and said, “Sorry, love, mate of mine’s having a party tonight. I’ll be back in the morning, yeah?”

That was it. Harry was always there for Louis when he needed him-he was there when Louis was rejected by label after label, he was there nursing Louis through hangovers, he was there while Louis kept up all night writing lyrics and smoking joints-but Louis wasn’t there for him anymore. What Harry wanted and what Harry needed had become so lost in what Louis wanted and needed that he hardly recognized the boyfriend he once loved so much. The man who once cared about him above all else was gone and Harry didn’t think he’d ever come back.

It broke him. That night, he called Gemma over and he systematically packed up all of Louis’ things. They bought a new lock for his door and Harry cried just as Louis did the next morning, drunkenly begging to be let back in, begging for a second chance.

Thing is, Harry was out of chances to give. He needed to take care of himself, Gemma had reminded him. Louis would realize what was important, he would realize who really loved him, and would be back.

“You broke my heart,” Harry whispers. “I was so sure you’d come back, that you’d realize what you’d done and try to fix it.”

Louis shakes his head, tears in his eyes. “Baby, you never deserved that. I’m so fucking sorry, I’m so sorry that I ever took you for granted. You mean everything to me, Harry, and I swear it will never happen again.”

Harry wipes at his eyes and whispers, “Do you want someone else?”

Louis laughs a bit. “Love, I never have. I don’t think I ever could, really, but if that’s what you wanted then I would be okay with it. I promise Harry.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” Harry asks, honestly confused. “You have to know it’s you, Louis. You’re what I want, you have to know that.”

“Baby,” Louis sighs.

 _Baby, please._ Harry’s own voice whispers in his memory. Louis is doing what Harry did all those years ago; he’s giving Harry a choice. The difference is Harry has always known what he wants.

Harry shakes his head and presses on. “No, don’t try and convince me that I don’t love you Louis Tomlinson. I’ve always fucking loved you, always. When I say I want a family, I mean I want a family with _you_. I want to start my life with _you_ , Louis, that’s all I have ever wanted. There’s no one else, and even when there was it was never even close to how I feel about you.”

The air between then feels heavy. Louis has brought his hands to his lap and he’s staring at them. His chest is rising and falling heavily and his knuckles are practically white with how tightly he’s holding his fists. Harry doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong.

“Lou-”

Anything he could’ve thought to say is cut off when Louis lunges across the sofa and kisses him.

It’s the first kiss in years, the first kiss they’ve shared since Louis came home that day all those years ago, but Louis feels exactly as Harry remembers him. Louis knows just what to do, just how to hold Harry, just where to touch and to bite to drive him out of his mind. He tastes of cinnamon gum and memories, so many memories.

The kiss Harry would never let Louis count, when they sat in their neighbor’s treehouse and talked in whispers about the fact that Harry never seemed to have crushes on girls like the others. When Louis had leaned in, suggesting they test it, and they separated with a loud _Yuck!_

Their first real kiss, alone in Louis’ room after his graduation party when he’d whispered to Harry, _I_ _’m so scared and sometimes I feel you’re the only thing I can trust._

The kiss Louis had pressed to his lips through laughter when Harry got into uni, after worrying for so long that he wouldn’t.

A kiss for Louis making dinner for the very first time, a kiss when they leased their first flat together, a kiss when Harry aced his tests, for when Louis finished writing his first song, for waking up beside one another every single morning.

There have been hundreds of kisses, thousands of memories, but nothing has ever felt quite like this.

“Christ,” Louis groans against him. “I missed this. Missed you, little one, you can’t even imagine.”

Harry finds himself still chasing after Louis even as he pulls away. “I missed you too,” he whispers, tears in his eyes. “Louis, I’ve missed you so badly.”

“Hey, darling,” Louis soothes him, gently running his thumbs over Harry’s waist. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, I promise.”

 Harry nods and leans forward, letting his head fall to Louis’ shoulder, letting himself be wrapped up in the place he’s always felt safest. “I love you,” he whispers.

“Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?” Louis asks.

Even though he’s still crying, Harry laughs. He reaches out and pinches Louis’ side, ignoring his swearing in favor of kissing him once again.

“Yes,” he whispers, smiling deviously. “Now, take me to bed. We have quite a lot of catching up to do.”

 


	2. epilogue

Harry’s graduation party is a rowdy event, to say the least.

Jay and Anne have invited most of their family over to Louis’ new home, along with a bunch of Harry’s friends and a few people Louis has invited himself. He rents a tent outside just for the occasion, though Harry protests this. What he really wants is to just sit on the couch cuddle up with Louis, a bottle of champagne, and their new kitten.

Louis knows this because Harry has told him so multiple times since this plan came to be over a month ago. Usually, Louis would go to great lengths to ensure Harry gets what he wants, but this time is different. In this case, Louis feels that he knows what Harry is going to want a bit better than he does, especially when it comes to what he has planned for later on.

After all, Harry was always one for grand gestures.

“Are you nervous?” Gemma asks, that glint of mischief in her eyes as always.

Louis shrugs. He’s scared fucking shitless, but that isn’t something he’s too keen on sharing with Gemma.

“Nah, he’s fine,” Lottie observes over her glass of wine. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Harry could completely reject you and this house you’ve practically bought for him and all of your future children, run off to Spain and shack up with some hot guy-”

“You are shockingly unhelpful,” Louis snaps.

Gemma laughs and reaches across the table to high-five Lottie. “Good one, sister-in-law.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Me marrying Harry does not make you in-laws. That isn’t how it works.”

“Shut up Louis,” Lottie replies. “Harry’s going to say yes, you’ll get married in the spring, Gemma and I will look beautiful and you’ll make us plenty of adorable nieces and nephews. Honestly, you worry too much. You’re going to get grey hair.”

“He’s got grey hair already,” Gemma says. “Harry told me he found one, Louis proper lost it.”

Louis scowls. “I am never speaking to either one of you ever again.”

“Aw,” Lottie laughs. “But you love us, don’t you?”

Sometimes, in the right light, Louis can see the scar on Lottie’s hairline. Gemma still walks with a bit of a limp, despite months of physical therapy, and she probably always will. Life is short, Louis knows this, and he won’t ever let his family think that he doesn’t care again.

“I do love you,” he says. “I love all of you, but you two slightly less than the others.”

Gemma grins, and Louis knows she can tell he’s lying. “We love you too, even if you sometimes drive us all crazy.”

“What we are talking about?”

Louis looks up to find Harry has arrived at their table again, after being dragged into a conversation with his classmates about finding work soon. He’s wearing a suit Louis bought for him and he looks stunning in it, as ridiculous as Louis finds the sheer top underneath to be. Really, he must flaunt his tits the day Louis proposes to him, mustn’t he?

“Nothing little bird,” Louis replies. “Come here.”

Before Harry can take a chair, Louis pulls Harry into his lap. Harry giggles and whispers, “Louis,” as if sitting in his lap is scandalizing.

“Are you having fun?” Louis asks, pressing a kiss to Harry’s neck.

Harry nods, flicking his eyes back towards their house. Well, Louis’ house for now. “Yes, but I think Peaches hates me now.”

Louis groans, wrapping his arms tighter around Harry’s waist in case he tries to run off and console their cat. “Peaches does not hate you,” he says, knowing it’s just as ridiculous as it sounds.

“She does, she’s staring from the window. She hates me, I’m a bad father.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “I don’t think being locked in our-my bedroom with everything she could ever need, and several things she doesn’t, for a few hours will kill her.”

“Louis, she likes her blanket,” Harry says petulantly. “It helps her sleep when I’m not here, it smells like me.”

Of course, Louis doesn’t point out that Harry has hardly left the house since they got Peaches, claiming he needed to be around so she would bond with him. Really, Louis thinks Harry just didn’t want to go back to that tiny flat he’s been sharing with a mate for the past semester.

Gemma shakes her head at the two of them and pushes herself up out of her chair. “You are honestly the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met,” she says to her brother. “Come on Lots, I need more wine.”

Harry giggles, waving goodbye to the girls as they walk towards the back of the tent. Once they’ve fled, Louis presses a kiss to Harry’s cheek and asks, “Do you like your party, baby?”

Harry nods. “You know I do, but you’ve done too much. You always do.”

Soon, Louis thinks, he will have a much better argument to this accusation. That is, if Harry says yes to marrying him. God, he hopes Harry says yes.

“I want you to have everything you could possibly want,” Louis says. “This is your day, love. I’m so proud of you.”

A beautiful blush spreads over Harry’s cheeks at that and he carefully asks, “You are?”

“Of course I am.” Louis sighs. “You make me proud every day, but seeing you get your degree-I know how long you’ve wanted this. You’ve worked so hard, you deserve it.”

“I deserve a break,” Harry laughs.

Louis smiles. Part of his plan, if Harry says yes and their relationship isn’t completely ruined by Louis’ stupidity, is to whisk them away for a bit of a vacation to Paris. It’s proper romantic and he knows Harry will cry once he tells him. Louis’s been keeping quite a lot of secrets lately.

“You do baby,” he says, gently running his thumb over Harry’s wrist. “I’ve got quite a lot planned for us this summer, including making you sleep for about a week until I’m satisfied that you won’t pass out on me.”

Harry laughs and rolls his eyes. “I won’t.”

“Babe, you passed out on me just two days ago when you were studying for that crazy exam of yours,” Louis points out. “You need some sleep before you go off into the world, my big strong lawyer.”

Harry smiles and rests his forehead against Louis’ cheek, closing his eyes for just a moment. “I love you,” he whispers.

Louis reaches out and gently tucks a lock of Harry’s long hair behind his ear. A few days ago, Harry had panicked, saying he had to cut his hair short to be a respectable lawyer. Luckily, Louis was able to talk him down a bit, reminding him he wants to work with children and don’t children love that sort of thing?

“I love you too, little one,” Louis whispers back.

They stay sat together for a moment, just caught up in one another. The ring box in Louis’ pocket feels like it’s about to burn its way through. He already knows what the papers will say, has already gone through plans with Liam about it. They call what Harry and Louis have a _whirlwind romance_ , never once considering that Louis is completely and totally in love with the boy in his arms.

It’s been months since Louis finally came back, and he doesn’t know why he ever left. The house he’s bought it situated perfectly, close enough to his family and close enough to London for work. Harry had loved the area already and had said to Louis casually one day that it’s the sort of place you raise children. Louis had started house-hunting the very next day.

Their house-his house, for now-is just big enough without being ostentatious, with enough rooms to raise a family in, an office just for Harry, and a little recording studio in the basement. Louis has only owned it for a few weeks, but Harry has already started taking control of the decorating. He wants Harry to feel at home here, he wants it to be a reflection of both of them, or the family they’ve made together.

Harry sits up slightly, sighing. “We should probably get over there," he says, nodding to where their mums are conspiring at a table near the center of the tent. “They look entirely too sneaky.”

Louis heart is suddenly hammering in his chest because this is it. This is the moment he asks Harry to marry him.

“You’re right,” he says, trying to keep his voice even. “But they always look that way, don’t they? Come one love.”

Taking Harry’s hand, Louis gently nudges him so he’s standing and leads him towards the middle of the room. Harry laughs and slides to a stop beside Louis, obviously confused as to what’s going on. All eyes are on them now as Louis calls out, asking for everyone’s attention.

The DJ he’s hired hands him a microphone and Louis takes it, letting go of Harry’s hand so he can make sure it doesn’t start shaking.

“Hello,” he says with an awkward sort of laugh. “I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for coming to celebrate my boy’s graduation.”

The _my boy_ sort of slips out, but everyone claps and cheers anyway. Louis has never felt so much stage fright in his life. Beside him, Harry is blushing bright red but is still so beautiful and giggly. From here, Louis can see their mum’s are both already crying and Gemma is shooting him double thumbs up.

“Harry,” he starts, and oh fuck he’s really doing this isn’t he? “I can still remember the moment I met you. Your mother held you out to me and told me to be careful with my new best friend-and she was right, because from that moment on you were my best friend, the single best part of my life. You have always been there for me Harry, through everything from joy to disappointment to absolute tragedies-like that awful haircut I got when I was fifteen.”

The entire tent erupts into laughter and Harry beams. “It _was_ awful,” he says, which only makes everyone laugh harder.

“And I’ve watched you grow,” Louis continues, his voice shaking a bit. “From a gangly teenager to the striking fashion icon we see before us today, but I have never once stopped loving you. You’re my best friend Harry, and I’m absolutely in awe of everything you’ve accomplished and all of the wonderful things I know you’re going to accomplish. You’re going to take this world by storm, bird, and I can’t wait stand right by your side and watch. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I am so incredibly proud of you already.”

Harry has tears in his eyes, Louis notes as he carefully reaches into his pocket. At the sight of the box, Harry’s eyes go wide. He looks up at Louis in complete disbelief and brings one shaking hand up to cover his mouth. Louis smiles and hands the microphone back off to the DJ so he can sink down on one knee while someone, most likely one of his sisters, squeals.

“Harry Styles,” Louis whispers, just for the two of them to hear. “I love you move that anything, more than I ever thought someone could love another person. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up to you every morning and fall back into your arms every night, I want to raise a family with you and grow old with you. You make me happier than anything else ever could and I just want to be able to call you mine. So, please, will you marry me?”

The crowd goes hushed and Louis thinks this is the sort of pressure that gives people heart attacks. Harry seems absolutely speechless, which isn’t good considering Louis is kneeling before him with a ring and all and he isn’t saying anything. For one brief, terrifying moment, Louis is worried he’s going to say no.

Finally, Harry seems to come to his senses and nods. And then he keeps nodding, and then he’s crying and saying, “Yes, Louis please, yes. Of course I will, oh my god.”

Louis jumps up as fast as he can and snaps the box closed, throwing his arms around Harry. Their family and friends are all cheering and snapping pictures as Louis spins Harry around in a large circle. Harry is crying into his ear, telling him over and over how much he loves him.

“Yes, Louis,” he’s crying. “God Louis, I love you so much.”

And as Louis carefully slides the ring onto Harry’s finger while their family watches on, as his boy cries and kisses him in front of everyone, Louis finds himself thinking that he finally has everything he could ever want.


End file.
